I grew up in the Congo.
I was born to two parents that love the Lord
and love reading the Bible and praying.
And I remember my dad talking about how
the Bible and the gospel changed his life.
So he wanted to do that the rest of his life
when he was 21 years old.
And so having such parents, they always
stressed about the gospel, studying scriptures,
and praying.
And I didn't do that consistently growing up,
but I knew about God because they
tried their best to teach us.
And so I grew up with my family.
And my dad was always going places
because he had to preach the gospel.
He was a televangelist.
And so eventually, it happened so
that he told us that he was on a mission,
but he came to America.
And so he--later on, I found out that he was exiled from
the country because he was a televangelist.
And the government didn't like what
he preached about the scriptures,
and so they didn't want him.
They would kill him if he stayed.
My mom actually followed him about two or three years later,
and she didn't tell us.
She went and followed Dad because she missed him.
And then while they were here, they had to work on papers
to get the rest of us, me and my three other siblings,
to come to America.
We were like that for about three years
without our mom and dad, just waiting
for the day we'd see them.
And the time finally came where it was time.
And our aunt took us.
We had to go through Cameroon and stay there for a month.
And then finally we met our parents.
But I can look back during those years.
They were lonely years.
And I remember, even after that, having a very hard relationship
with my dad.
It was just really hard to connect with him.
Even before, it was hard because in Africa, discipline
is just one of those things that's done,
and sometimes extremely.
And so in America's standards, you would call it abuse.
And so throughout my childhood, I'd be beaten a lot.
And I remember those times, and they hurt.
But my dad would always tend to my wounds,
because I'd have a couple wounds.
But that--I wondered if my dad loved me.
Growing up with my father was very difficult.
And we didn't get along, and I know
it was because my dad had gone through some things
himself when he was younger and didn't heal from it.
And so because of that, it affected us, the family.
And also, it was hard for me to trust people,
to allow them in my life, and just putting up walls so
negatively.
At times I felt like I had to be a different person
or act a certain way to be accepted.
I had tried to attempt several suicides.
And I don't like talking about it,
but it's just most of the time a result
because I felt like I was rejected by a guy,
because I was trying to get their approval.
And when it didn't work, I felt like I wasn't worth it.
I felt like I had no control of my emotions,
and so I tried to overdose with pills.
It happened.
But thankfully, my mom was there, and she prayed for me.
We didn't go to the hospital, because she
was scared about me, my reputation of getting a job,
because I was crying throughout church.
And the bishop finally--someone told him what I was going
through, because I went to hide.
And so he came to get me, and they were like,
"We've got to take you to the hospital."
So they took me.
The depression started my junior year,
and it's been like that ever since.
And it usually gets worse.
Because I started taking medication
maybe three years after when I saw
that along with the bipolar, I'd be very up and down,
and changing my mind a lot about things, so not being able to
function properly without medication.
Because I was still in the denial mode, saying "I
don't have this."
And my family would say, "Well, you're not depressed.
You just need to pray.
The Lord is going to help you.
You don't need medicine."
Or "Emotions are for weak people."
The first time I saw the missionary at the school that I
actually transferred to--I had seen the sisters in the student
center.
And I met them, and I thought, "Hey, they're nice."
And then a year later, I met another set of missionaries
and their elders.
And there's--I didn't know they were from the same church,
because they had suits this time,
and I thought they were businessmen or something.
And I met them in the same student center
while I was playing the piano or whatever.
And they came around to listen.
And then they're like, "Can we share a message with you?"
I was like, "Sure, I have nothing to lose."
And at that time, I was going again
through a hard break or whatever.
I was at the end of my rope to the point
where I started thinking, "Well, what's
the point of being here?" because I've
had a lot of those thoughts when I'm very emotionally shattered.
And so I remember them just talking to me
and sharing the Restoration.
I just remember--I didn't cry.
It wasn't dramatic.
I just remember feeling peace.
And I felt like what they had to say was something good.
So they asked me if I could meet with them, and I did.
And then things got a little bit more--it went to a commitment
level.
Because I thought it would just be a regular conversation:
"Here am I listening to people from a different religion.
Just learn from them."
But they started to ask me to read the Book of Mormon
and pray to know if it was the word of God.
Gave me a scripture, 1 Nephi 8, about the tree of life.
And so they asked me to pray and read.
So I was kind of like, "Well, this is something new.
I've grown up reading the Bible all my life.
So you mean to tell me there's something else?"
And so it became a big deal for me,
because then I started thinking, "Well, I'll
have to tell my family.
My dad is a preacher."
And that was going in my mind.
So I decided, "Hey, it's not going to hurt."
I read, fasted, and prayed.
And after reading chapter 8, I just remember
feeling--especially about the iron rod and Lehi, thinking,
"Well, this couldn't be made up."
They hadn't told me about Joseph Smith,
but I felt like it was something inspired by the Spirit.
And it just totally made sense.
I was like, "This scripture, I feel like I've
seen this before or something."
It was a little scary, because I was like, "Could this be true?"
I feel like it was the Spirit impressing me
that if it was true, then I couldn't miss out on it.
I had to act on it now, because why wait?
Because I felt like I was spiritually hungry as well.
And so what was the point of waiting or not going through?
And I said that I wanted to--in my heart, I was like, "Well,
if this is true, I want to be part of it and take ahold of it
now."
And after a month of study, I was like, "Well, let's get
baptized."
But after getting baptized, I felt the greatest feeling.
It was the best day of my life.
I felt this relief.
I can't describe it.
But I remember also, while bearing my testimony
afterwards, reading about Hosea, the prophet Hosea, how
the Lord draws His people when they try to look
in other places for comfort.
So I felt like that was for me, that the Lord was trying
to give me a hug and say, "Hey, you've tried all these things,
and they haven't worked.
But you're in the right place."
I had been looking for Jesus, for love,
and I felt like I found Him in the Church.
Just to know Him and get to know Him as a person--I had heard
about Him, and I knew about His love.
But it wasn't really personal.
I prayed once in a while, read my scriptures once
in a while before then.
But coming to the Church helped me to see and feel God's love
that I've never felt and just feel like a big hug,
and knew that They were real people and not just somebody
sitting up there, waiting to strike us when He's angry.
And so just joining the Church helped
me to get more acquainted with Christ and know who He is.
And it is a lifelong endeavor, but I started.
My relationship with Jesus Christ helps me a lot
because I feel like I have hope and that I can always
run to scripture, to the rod of iron, to the temple.
Whenever I feel down, that's my first place I think about,
because it's my happy place.
When I think of the temple and go there, I feel peace.
And the Lord helps me to get through it.
It's like a power and strength to be
able to make it through the next day
and making sure that I do all I'm supposed to do.
I really love family history.
My bishop called me as a consultant
about a year after I joined the Church,
and he said, "You need to be a consultant."
So I had started family history, and it brought the Spirit
in my life.
And so I did it throughout before then.
And eventually, I came to a block
and prayed and asked for more answers to get more names.
And so before the event, I had gotten some names
from my uncle, my mom's big brother,
because they're not members.
I'm the only member.
And they knew I did genealogy.
And so he called my mom and said, "Hey, so I
have a bunch of names from Dad that he had taken down all
the way back to the 1600s.
And there are at least maybe 10 or 12 ancestors all the way
back then."
But in the process in doing those family history
names afterward, I felt happy.
I felt that the Lord was merciful to me
and that it helped in my healing.
I know that Jesus Christ lives and that He loves me.
If there is someone that I know is accepting of me
and that will never leave me, it's Christ.
And because of that, I have hope that I
need to do everything that I need to do in this life
to see Him, because He's one of the people
that I'd like to meet and thank and hug.
I felt His love because He didn't
want me to go on the other side and having to suffer,
because He still wanted me around.
And so He needed me.
And so because of that, if the Lord has done that for me,
He can do that for anybody.
And I want to dedicate my life to Him just so I can make it.
Don't give up.
There is hope.
And sometimes it's hard to reach out.
But start with your bishop or a prayer.
Prayer first, definitely.
Don't be afraid to go to your bishop.
He's there to help you.
If it wasn't for my bishop, I don't know where I would be.
I used to be very independent, thinking that I knew everything
and I didn't need anything.
I prayed to God.
I knew He was there.
But I felt like I could do everything by my own strength.
But this depression--I believe the Lord allowed it for me
to rely on Him.
We just have to humble ourselves.
And I'm grateful that I was humbled
to be able to go through that.
And there is hope.