I think one of the healthiest, most positive things
that a parent can do for a child that is struggling
is to just say, "I see who you are.
I see the whole person that you are.
And I love who you are.
You're magnificent.
You're working on this.
You're trying to take your recovery from a week increment
to a month increment and longer, and it
may take you a long time.
But I'm in this with you, and I know who you are.
And you have the strength to be able to do it
with the help of Jesus Christ.
And let's focus on the other great things
that you're doing in your life, too."
And that kind of positive, holistic viewing of who
a person is gives strength.
It gives power, and that kind of power
will lengthen out the recovery times.
And of course, there'll be setbacks.
But we can continue to work with each other.
That's who we are.
That's what we're for.
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When people have gotten into using pornography--particularly
to manage their own loneliness, their own stress,
their own boredom in life--it's very easy to go back to that
pattern, especially if they're just simply dealing with
something they don't want to talk about.
The real issue with pornography use for a lot of people
is about loneliness and isolation.
It's not just about lust.
There's a lot of reasons why people begin viewing
pornography, and there's a lot of different reasons
why they continue to view pornography.
A lot of times the viewing of pornography
is just mere curiosity.
But that curiosity, because it can be very stimulating,
can create further viewing.
Oftentimes when teenagers are struggling with depression
or anxiety, they'll view pornography
because it makes them feel better.
And so when we are trying to be helpful to a spouse,
to a friend, to a loved one, we want to keep that in mind.
How do we help them see the bigger picture?
We as parents can do a good job or a bad job
if the opportunity presents itself
for us to be involved in those discussions.
When they are caught in sin, it's so easy for them
to lose that hope, to lose that vision
of recovery, that vision of healing
that we want them to have.
We can help them find hope.
We can infuse them with it, and we need to.
We need to make sure that they never, ever, ever give up,
and they know they don't have to, because Christ can always
be there to help them if they'll turn the right direction.
One little mistake doesn't mean you go back
to where you were at.
As a matter of fact, let's celebrate with them.
"It's been four months.
That's fantastic."
And let's make sure that we're also
inviting them to write things down so that one day when
they're a dad, when they're a mom, they can say,
as they read that, "Oh, I know how
to help my son or daughter," because a lot of times
we'll find solutions that are pretty unique.
And when we can share those with other people,
it helps them find other ways to be able to overcome
these temptations.
"If the temptation arises and you're
feeling compelled to go that direction,
what's our exit strategy for being
able to remove the compulsion and to redirect it
to something that's more valuable?
And is it prayer?
Do we pray together in that moment?
Do you find me?
Do we call if I'm not there and immediately available?"
But whatever that plan is, have it in place.
Have it be a specific pattern that they can fall back on.
Some of you may be thinking, "But if I make one mistake,
all the sins of the past come back."
I believe our Heavenly Father is well pleased when
we're making a lot of progress.
And if the moment we make that mistake,
we're right back on to repenting and we're changing
and we're pleading, I think there's a lot of hope
that it's a quick forgiveness, especially when we've
shown remarkable improvement and that we should be
excited about our improvement.
Yes, if we gave up at that moment in time, maybe
they all come back.
But I believe if we just are putting our whole heart
and soul into it, that Heavenly Father knows those setbacks are
going to come.
And the speed at which we get back on the horse, as they say,
is very important in making sure that the sins don't come back,
because if we dwell on it for a little while,
Satan likes to have our attitude go down.
We start thinking negatively of ourself.
Heavenly Father would never want us to think
less than "I am a child of God.
I'm His."
And when we dwell on what we're not and how we're failing,
it's pretty hard to say, "I'm a child of God."
So I really do believe that if you make a mistake,
repent quickly, and you're back being--or becoming,
better said--that son or daughter of God you should be.
If there's a relapse, then we pick ourselves up
and dust ourselves off and come back.
It is the eternal repentance process.
We don't trivialize repentance.
We don't take it so for granted that we abuse
the whole idea of the Atonement simply because repentance
is available to us.
But if we're honest about it and are appropriately
sorrowful and submissive about it,
then that repentance is meant to be a blessing.
And that's the answer to relapse.
That's the answer to slipping back.
And we talk about that for youth coming all the way
up their youthful years to the temple, to the mission,
back from the mission, on to marriage.
We don't want relapse.
But if there is one, we'll handle it.
We'll deal with it.
We'll fight our way back.
We'll be persistent.
In all of this, I think the key issue is not
to stop believing, not to give up,
not to somehow think that we're beyond the pale of help
or beyond the pale of repentance.
That simply is not true.
That just isn't true.
So we cling to the gospel and fly the flag of hope.
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