One of the most common questions I
get as a clinician is, when should a parent reach out
for professional help when they have
a child or adolescent or young adult that is struggling
with these issues?
Some things that I would want parents to know,
being a parent myself as well as a clinician,
is that I really believe we are often delaying getting help.
And we delay that help because we may not know what to do
or where to go.
I'd want to encourage parents to not delay,
to act as soon as they can recognize that there
is a pattern, perhaps a pattern over a period of months,
of returning to that behavior.
It will introduce skills and ideas for that young person
that (1) there is help available,
that (2) this family is taking this very seriously
and can teach them skills that will help them navigate this
as they continue to grow.
There are tremendous resources in our world,
and while the internet can bring all kinds of evil
into our homes, it can also bring all kinds
of blessing and light.
There are websites that are dedicated to helping parents
inform their children and work with them to help avoid
or recover from these problems.
Why don't we access them?
We have bishops.
We have Relief Society presidents.
We have youth leaders that we can go to to consult with.
There are some great books out there.
We always need to use the gospel as a Urim and Thummim.
If the material that we are looking for and finding
does not match up with the gospel
of Jesus Christ and its commandments and standards,
it's not for us.
Most of the time, the problem is that parents
don't know what to do.
And so they either want to push off the responsibility
onto someone else, maybe, who is an expert
or something like that, or they just
want to pray and say, "Please, Heavenly Father,
take this problem away from my child."
And I don't think that's how trials work in general in life.
That is, Heavenly Father doesn't remove our trials
just because we ask Him to.
I've never seen that work.
And so the real issue is, can we see this
as an opportunity for growth, development
in the relationship between parents and children,
and helping this child grow and develop as a human being,
as a child of God through the trial,
not in spite of the trial?
This issue is broader than just shutting down pornography use.
It's important to rule out, are there
any medical or mental illness factors in this equation
that we need to rule out and address?
And the earlier that we can do that,
the better chances we have of promoting health and well-being
in this young person and closing down
those openings for pornography to take root.
We can talk all we want about "read the scriptures and pray,
go to the temple, do all those things,"
and those can be very, very helpful.
But if I don't know how to have a relationship
with another human being, how am I
going to have a relationship with my Father in Heaven?
How am I going to learn to trust that He is willing to listen
to anything I have to say?
He's not surprised by anything I'm
struggling with in this life.
I'm not going to shock Him.
I'm not going to scare Him.
He's open to all of these things.
But I have to know that in a relationship with another human
being before I can really grasp that Heavenly Father is going
to be equally loving, equally soft with me, gentle with me,
helpful to me--that He has the power to redeem these things
and to turn them into good in my life as I grow and as I learn.
We teach children when they're young that our bodies are
a gift from God, and we do a great job at that.
But then we accidentally say, "And half the stuff
you're feeling is really not good or OK.
It's only some of what you're feeling that's OK."
I think it's really important to teach children
that every physical and emotional,
spiritual, mental experience is normal and part of being human
and not something to run away from,
but something to embrace and try to understand.
"So if you're feeling something that you don't understand,
then let me help you understand it."
We want to encourage them to keep trying, to keep striving,
and realize that most of us, well into our adulthood,
are constantly struggling and striving to keep
these feelings in check.
Not eradicate them--I will never get rid of my sex drive--but
keeping it within those boundaries and realizing
that's health.
The focus is on health and trusting God--that what we
believe in will lead us to happiness and joy and that
sense of fulfillment and purpose in our life.
Sex is not just a "you're good" or "you're bad" situation.
There's a whole range of stuff in between where we're
trying to learn, where we're trying to grow,
where we're going to make mistakes.
And we are trying to become resilient human beings who
don't just give up when things get difficult,
but who try again, who find a new approach, who
get more help.
We practice more the right way to do things.
We help ourselves out when we're doing things
in a way that's not working.
We learn from our mistakes, and we move forward.
It's not just about "You're either
the good person or the bad person" in this life.
As we draw people closer to the gospel of Jesus Christ
and we get people to strive to keep the commandments
and live the way Heavenly Father wants us to live,
it's my testimony that the healing power
of the Spirit of God can touch the life of all,
any of our Father's children, wherever they might be.
We want to help each other get from where
we are to where we need to be.
And one of the great joys in life
is when we are able to touch a life,
bring the gospel to somebody that doesn't have it,
rescue someone who has drifted from the gospel
and bring them back.
That's one of the great joys that we
have of seeing the hand of God work
in the lives of His children.
And He does it through the gospel of Jesus Christ
and by the power of the Holy Ghost as the Teacher
and the Comforter.
And we're all entitled to that blessing
if we'll just let our hearts move in that direction.
And I testify and witness that Jesus is the Christ.
He is the Son of God, and He's directing our lives
if we'll just let Him.