If each of our youth could understand the covenant
that they made at baptism, and that each week they
have the opportunity to renew that with the sacrament,
I think it would make a big difference in their lives.
It would change their behavior.
"I'm a covenant person.
That means I have certain responsibilities.
I've promised my Heavenly Father I would do certain things.
And in return, if I do those things--if I keep His
commandments and always remember Him and stand as a witness
for the Savior every day--He's promised me that I can have
the Spirit with me every single day."
That's a beautiful concept for our youth to understand,
that they have responsibilities because they
have made covenants, but there are promises that come back
for their benefit in return.
Heavenly Father has given them agency,
but they need to learn to exercise it righteously
and responsibly.
If we as parents can teach them that they are responsible
and that Heavenly Father knows who they are and loves them,
they're much more motivated to follow those rules
that we put in place as protections in the home.
Usually when a young man or young woman would come in,
and you would take some time to find out about them
and also to find out about what that challenge has been
like for them, I would help them understand
that up until this point, they had
been waging a war by themselves against the adversary.
Here is a young man or young woman
fighting these struggles or these temptations on their own
against someone who was far superior in knowledge
and in capabilities.
And they were going against the adversary one-on-one.
When they came into the bishop's office, I would tell them,
"Now that you've taken that step, now you're not alone.
Now I'm on your side, and there's a plus-one for you.
As you bring in your mom and dad to this process for stability
and strength, now we've increased your team
and your support around you.
In addition to that, as you grew that team
with your ecclesiastical leader, with your mom,
with your dad, others who may love you,
ultimately that team will be led by the Savior.
And as you bring those others in and help form that team
together, those that be with you are greater than those
that be with them."
When our children are caught by sin
and exposed to things that can truly destroy them forever,
we need to give them hope.
Hope is essential.
We can infuse them with hope.
We have a gospel of hope.
Our hope is Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ is mighty to save.
He arises with healing in His wings.
The scriptures are full of hope.
We have to help our children find those passages of hope.
They might be in their patriarchal blessings
or other blessings that they've received
at the hands of their father or another priesthood leader.
We need to help them see that God loves them.
We need to help them feel that love every single day.
How can they recognize that God really is with them
and finds them precious and wants them to succeed?
When I am advising or educating parents
about helping their teens, I help
them understand that really, there
are two core concepts about recovery
from a compulsive or habitual use of pornography.
And those are accountability and connection, human connection.
And the family is the perfect place to have both of those.
When Mom and Dad are involved in holding their adolescents,
their teenagers, accountable for not only their media usage
or managing sexual energy or thoughts,
but also just being a healthy human being,
and then providing that loving support,
the care and guidance that the adolescent needs to learn
to cope with how painful life is--that's the perfect scenario
for a person to heal.
One of the great lies that Satan tells
in the sin of pornography and immorality
is that "it's not hurting anyone else.
It's just me."
So one of the things that is important for an individual
to understand is, how has this affected others?
Or who has been affected by this?
And that's something I don't dictate to them.
I would ask and say, "As you think
about this process of repentance that you're going through
and this desire that you have to overcome this,
who has been affected by the actions
that you've taken with it?"
And I let them think about that and give them an opportunity
to determine who that is.
They'll talk about their parents,
and I'll ask them, "Why do you think your mom or dad is
someone that you need to ask forgiveness of
or to make restitution for?"
And they have often shared and said
that "my parents have a great trust in me,
and they have a great love for me,
and they want the best for me.
And so I need to let them know that I'm changing,
that I am going through this process of repentance,
so that they know that that trust that they have in me
is valid."
It only makes for a stronger bond between parent and child.
One of the difficulties that occurs in a person's life
as a result of viewing pornography
is that ultimately, that person becomes
an object that is acted upon instead
of an agent who can act.
The practice sometimes can control
them almost to the point where they
have surrendered their agency and they only are acted upon.
That can lead a person to feel hopeless
and to feel great despair.
There is always hope.
It doesn't mean that it will be easy,
but the Savior will never leave a person comfortless.
And if I were to extend an invitation,
it would be to seek for the hope that grows out
of that principle of knowing that as sons
and daughters of God, we are blessed with moral agency.
That agency makes us agents who can act and not
simply be acted upon.
And with God's help--not simply by ourselves,
but with God's help--a person who has wandered off the path,
gone to forbidden places, can come back.
There is that hope, and it applies to every person.