<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[326.]]>
<![CDATA[300 and how many?]]>
<![CDATA[All right.]]>
<![CDATA[Jay, he's dragging it.]]>
<![CDATA[OK.]]>
<![CDATA["Dear Elder Green, you are hereby]]>
<![CDATA[called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus]]>
<![CDATA[Christ of Latter-day Saints.]]>
<![CDATA[You are assigned to labor in the South Carolina Columbia]]>
<![CDATA[Mission."]]>
<![CDATA[Oh, great.]]>
<![CDATA[There was never any question as to "Is this going to happen?"]]>
<![CDATA[It's "What is it going to be like?"]]>
<![CDATA[The location sounded great.]]>
<![CDATA[The type of people sounded great.]]>
<![CDATA[As a youth, that's all I'd looked forward to, is,]]>
<![CDATA["Hey, I want to have those experiences, too.]]>
<![CDATA[I'm looking forward to that so much.]]>
<![CDATA[It's going to be the greatest experience of my life."]]>
<![CDATA[And so I prepared and got ready, got all my stuff,]]>
<![CDATA[gave everybody hugs, and then off we went.]]>
<![CDATA[The first day was kind of a blur.]]>
<![CDATA[And I think it is for most people.]]>
<![CDATA[It started to hit me a little bit that night.]]>
<![CDATA[It was the first night, and I think reality just]]>
<![CDATA[started to hit with everybody: "Oh, wow, my family is gone."]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[As I was sitting in one of my classes,]]>
<![CDATA[I just started to have overwhelming feelings]]>
<![CDATA[of darkness and depression--just feeling extremely overwhelmed.]]>
<![CDATA[And I started to doubt everything about myself,]]>
<![CDATA[about my testimony, about God's love for me.]]>
<![CDATA[I thought, "OK, what's happening to me?"]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[Eventually, after going through this same kind of cycle so many]]>
<![CDATA[times, I finally said it--"OK, enough's enough.]]>
<![CDATA[I can't do this anymore."]]>
<![CDATA[And so I called up my parents and just]]>
<![CDATA[said, "Hey, come get me."]]>
<![CDATA[And it was probably the hardest phone call that I've ever made.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[I ended up coming home on my little brother's 12th birthday.]]>
<![CDATA[And I had to walk through that door]]>
<![CDATA[and see him with friends over on his birthday,]]>
<![CDATA[and him looking up to me with that look]]>
<![CDATA[of confusion and concern, wondering what happened.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[And that was hard.]]>
<![CDATA[That was very hard--feeling like I'd let him down when he needed]]>
<![CDATA[somebody to look up to.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[But from my standpoint, I felt like, "OK, this can't be right.]]>
<![CDATA[I feel like I'm going against God's will for me.]]>
<![CDATA[And so I must be betraying Him."]]>
<![CDATA[I couldn't even count the number of times]]>
<![CDATA[that I asked myself, "Did I make the right decision?]]>
<![CDATA[Could I have stayed out?]]>
<![CDATA[What could I have done to prevent this from happening?]]>
<![CDATA[And what could I have done to make sure]]>
<![CDATA[that I did serve that full-time two-year mission?"]]>
<![CDATA[And I've come to realize since then that God does not ask]]>
<![CDATA[us those kinds of questions.]]>
<![CDATA[What God asks us is, "How are you]]>
<![CDATA[going to get up and move on?]]>
<![CDATA[How are you going to become a better person?]]>
<![CDATA[And are you willing to let me in to help you]]>
<![CDATA[through this process?]]>
<![CDATA[And are you willing to let our Savior]]>
<![CDATA[in to help you through this process?"]]>
<![CDATA[And if we can just answer yes to that question--"Yes,]]>
<![CDATA[I'll let You in, yes, I'll let my Savior in"--we can be lifted]]>
<![CDATA[to such unimaginable heights.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[I've had the opportunity to go through and be married]]>
<![CDATA[and sealed in the temple and have]]>
<![CDATA[two great, wonderful blessings of children in my life.]]>
<![CDATA[And those things, to me, are eternal.]]>
<![CDATA[And those things, to me, will be with me forever.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>
<![CDATA[And for that reason, I won't let this experience]]>
<![CDATA[of being unable to have that two-year full-time service]]>
<![CDATA[weigh me down.]]>
<![CDATA[And I won't allow it to hold me back]]>
<![CDATA[from what I know I can accomplish with the Lord's]]>
<![CDATA[help in my life.]]>
<![CDATA[And for that, I'm just eternally grateful.]]>
<![CDATA[]]>