There were definitely moments where infertility started
to tear us apart, and the stresses and the frustrations
were just too much.
My husband and I have struggled with infertility
for most of our marriage.
After several years of trying for our first,
we were miraculously able to conceive our son.
And he was a miracle in every sense of the word,
and we just loved being parents.
After Max was a few years old, we
wanted to continue to grow our family, and we again struggled.
It was the worst kind of deja-vu.
The second time around, we decided to seek out help
from a fertility treatment.
Before I went into the office, I just got out my phone
in the car and made a really quick video.
I am about to go in to the doctor and get my first IUI,
and we hope it works.
I hope this is the day that our baby's conceived.
So a few weeks later, when I was able to take a pregnancy test,
a positive showed up right away.
And I immediately broke down.
"Thank You, Heavenly Father.
Thank You."
As you can imagine, we were ecstatic.
I had a hunch that it was a girl but of course
didn't know for sure.
And as the days went by, I started
to feel movement less and less.
So I went in to the doctor, but I was not worried.
I knew that when they checked it, everything would be good.
After a couple of minutes of looking around,
she just said, "I'm so sorry.
There's no heartbeat."
And I remember I could hear myself crying loudly,
and I heard my husband start to cry.
In that exact moment that I was seeing these things,
I felt my Savior literally scoop me up in His arms.
"I will not leave you comfortless:
I will come to you."
And I know that this is not just a promise to me individually.
It's a promise for all of us.
And I still have my moments where I feel bitter
and I feel frustrated that this is part of my life,
but when I remind myself to bring the Savior back into it
and put my trust in Him, I am always given that peace.
We went to the hospital and delivered her.
We did a small funeral for her.
I didn't want anybody to come.
It was really personal to us.
We just each got a white balloon,
and we played her song.
And we let the balloons go, go up to heaven.
I've since tried to figure out how
to navigate through life after a tragedy,
and it has been a heartbreaking experience
but a huge blessing in our lives that we feel every day.
I am so grateful for a Savior who loves us so much.
He allows us to hurt so that He can heal us and put us together
better than we were before.
I think that is the definition of the Savior's grace.