My brothers and sisters, I'm grateful to the choir for that
stirring and inspiring music, and I thank President Edgren
for that introduction.
I'm pleased to be here in Oakland.
To those of you who are here, and to those of you who are in
other locations, I say thank you for your presence.
I'm glad to speak to this audience of 18- to 30-year-old
young adults.
Our youngest daughter is in this age bracket, so are 15 of
our 28 grandchildren.
So, I have a special interest in 18- to 30-year-olds.
In speaking to you, I'm speaking to the future.
You are the future leaders of business, of education, of
science, of cities, states and nations, and of the Church.
Even more important, you are the future leaders of the
families of the Church.
In preparation for this evening, I studied the talk
given at the last CES fireside for young adults.
The date was Sunday, February 6th, and the setting was the
Marriott Center at BYU.
The speaker was Elder Russell M. Nelson of the
Quorum of the Twelve.
For me, studying his talk was both edifying and poignant.
You'll remember that Elder Nelson asked you, quote, "to
think about yourself, not as you are, but as you may become
50 years from now."
He asked, "What do you want to be 50 years from now?"
He then gave a great message on faith and families.
He told about his own life and that of his dear
companion, Dantzel.
He talked about their long struggle to get an education.
He talked about the choices they had made in their married
life, seeking first the kingdom of God.
Faith, he said, had been the lodestar of
their married life.
He recalled the fact that he had not sent a bill for
surgical services until he had been out of medical school for
more than 12 years.
By then, they had five children.
You can imagine the faith they exercised and the sacrifices
they made to go forward with their family as Dr. Nelson
completed his long period of professional preparation.
If you heard Elder Nelson's great message at this April
conference, you know why it was poignant for me to read
his CES talk, given last February 6th.
In that talk, he paid a wonderful and deserved tribute
to his dear companion.
Just six days later, she died suddenly.
Truly, as Elder Nelson taught us, life has some unexpected
surprises, and it is well for each of us not only to look
ahead to what we want to be in 50 years, but also to live day
by day so that we are always ready if we are suddenly
summoned home.
Last week, I was talking to a member of the Quorum of the
Twelve about comments we had received on our April
conference talks.
My friend said someone told him, "I surely
enjoyed your talk."
We agreed this is not the kind of comment we like to receive.
As my friend said, "I didn't give that talk to be enjoyed.
What does he think I am, some kind of entertainer?"
[LAUGHTER]
Another member of our Quorum joined the conversation by
saying, "That reminds me of the story of a good minister.
When a parishioner said, I surely enjoyed your sermon
today, the minister replied, in that case, you didn't
understand it."
[LAUGHTER]
You may remember that this April conference, I spoke on
pornography.
No one told me they enjoyed that talk.
[LAUGHTER]
Not even one.
[LAUGHTER]
In fact, there was nothing enjoyable in it, even for me.
I speak of these recent conversations to teach the
principle that a message given by a General Authority at a
general conference, a message prepared under the influence
of the Spirit, to further the work of the Lord, is not given
to be enjoyed.
It is given to inspire, to edify, to
challenge, or to correct.
It is given to be heard under the influence of the Spirit of
the Lord with the intended result that the listener
learns from the talk and from the Spirit what he or she
should do about it.
King Benjamin understood that principle and explained it.
His great sermon that is recorded in the first few
chapters of the book of Mosiah begins with these words,
quote, "My brethren, all ye that have assembled yourselves
together, you that can hear my words which I shall speak unto
you this day, I have not commanded you to come up
hither to trifle with the words which I shall speak, but
that you should harken unto me, and open your ears that
you may hear, and your hearts, that ye may understand."
As this prophet king taught, when we come to hear a servant
of the Lord, we are not to trifle with the
words that he speaks.
It is our duty to open our ears to hear and our hearts
to understand, and what we should seek to understand is
what we should do about the message.
I feel sure that is what King Benjamin meant because he said
later in his great message, "and now, if you believe all
these things, see that ye do them."
Please remember that principle as I speak to you on this
Sabbath day.
I titled my talk, "The Dedication of a Lifetime." I
borrowed this title from something said by Governor
Adlai E. Stevenson of Illinois, who was the
Democratic Party candidate for president of the United States
in 1952 and 1956.
He was a fine man and would have been president if he had
not been running against a very popular opponent, Dwight
D. Eisenhower.
In speaking to an American legion convention, Stevenson
gave this wise statement about patriotism, quote, "What we
need are not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the
steady and tranquil dedication of a lifetime."
I like that.
Not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the steady and
tranquil dedication of a lifetime.
I will use this description of patriotism as a formula for
how we should live the gospel.
Some people live the gospel with short, frenzied outbursts
of emotion, followed by long periods of lapse, or by
performance that is intermittent or sputtering.
What we need in living the gospel is the steady and
tranquil dedication of a lifetime.
So, what does it mean to obey the commandments, to keep our
covenants, or to serve the Lord with the steady and
tranquil dedication of a lifetime?
It means to be a 100% Latter-day
Saint 100% of the time.
In scriptural terms, it means to follow the direction King
Benjamin gave to his people, quote, "I would that ye should
be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works
that Christ, the Lord God omnipotent, may seal
you his," end quote.
It means to follow the plea Father Lehi gave to a wavering
son: "O that thou mightest be likened to this valley, firm
and steadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of
the Lord," end of quote.
The dedication of a lifetime requires one to be steady and
tranquil, steadfast and immovable.
We hold fast to our covenants and to the leadership and
teachings of the servants of the Lord so that we will, as
the Apostle Paul wrote, be no more children tossed to and
fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine.
That is our standard and our goal.
This steadfast requirement requires us to avoid extremes.
Our performance should be the steady 100% of a committed
servant, not the frenzied and
occasional 120% of the fanatic.
A valued teacher I had at BYU many years ago gave this
definition of a fanatic.
Quote, "a fanatic is one who has lost sight of his goal,
but redoubled his efforts to get there," end of quote.
That definition has been a good guide to me throughout my
life, and I commend it to you.
Don't seek to prove your dedication by fanatical
excesses, or by other evidence of holier than thou.
We pay our tithing, but we remember that tithing is a
steady 10%, not 8%, and especially not intermittent or
frenzied outbursts of 12%.
This reminds me of the concerns President Harold B.
Lee expressed to me when I was president of BYU.
Shortly before the Provo Temple was dedicated, he told
me he was concerned that this nearby temple would cause some
BYU students to attend so often that they would
neglect their studies.
He urged me to work with the BYU stake presidents to make
sure that the students understood that even something
as important as temple service needed to be done in wisdom
and order, so that the students would not neglect the
studies that should be their major focus during their
student years at BYU.
Over a decade ago, I gave a talk called, "Our Strengths
Can Become Our Downfall." I talked about what happens when
we take a good principle or commandment
and apply it to excess.
I gave 20 examples.
I've adapted five of these to my current plea that we
practice the steady and tranquil dedication of a
lifetime, rather than what Governor Stevenson called
short, frenzied outbursts of emotion.
Appropriately enough, my first example concerns patriotism.
Even love of country, if carried to excess, can harm us
spiritually.
There are some citizens whose patriotism, as they define it,
is so frenzied and all-consuming that it seems to
override every other responsibility, including
family and church.
For example, we hear of some patriots, so-called, who are
participating in, or provisioning, private armies
and making private
preparations for armed conflict.
Their excessive zeal for one aspect of patriotism is
injuring them spiritually, as they withdraw from the society
of the Church and separate themselves from the governance
of civil authorities to whom our article of faith makes all
of us subject.
My second example concerns persons who have an
all-encompassing commitment to one particular doctrine or
commandment of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This could be an
extraordinary focus on family history work, an unusually
intense preoccupation with constitutional government, or
some other exclusive occupation.
In a memorable message given at the 1971 October
conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer likened the fulness of
the gospel to a piano keyboard.
He reminded us that a person could be attracted by a single
key, such as a doctrine they want to hear played over and
over again.
He explained some members of the Church who should know
better pick out a hobby key or two and tap them incessantly.
They lose track that there is a fulness of the gospel,
which they reject in preference to a favorite note.
This becomes exaggerated and distorted, leading them away
to apostasy, end of quote.
We could say of such persons, as the Lord said of the
members of the Shaker sect, that they desire to know the
truth in part, but not all.
And so I say, beware of the hobby key.
If you tap one key to the exclusion or serious detriment
of the full harmony of the gospel keyboard, you are
deviating from the recommended steady and tranquil dedication
of a lifetime.
In the midst of these examples of the danger of good
principles carried to excess, I must confess one of my own
deficiencies.
You've heard the old adage, be not the first by whom the new
is tried, nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
When it comes to the technological marvels of this
generation, like the computer, I suppose I am the last to lay
the old aside.
I still use a manual typewriter.
For over 50 years, I have written letters and memoranda
and composed part of my talks on a succession of manual
typewriters.
A few years ago, the latest of these, my trusty, old, manual,
portable typewriter, finally wore out.
I began to look for a replacement.
It was not easy to find.
The generation of technology that followed the manual
typewriter was the electric typewriter.
I skipped right over that generation.
Next came word processing equipment and computers with
increasing levels of sophistication, like my
capable secretary, Margie McKnight, used to produce
numerous drafts of this talk.
Computers are what stores sell today, so I shouldn't have
been surprised when young salesmen gave me blank stares
when I asked for a portable, manual typewriter.
One imaginative fellow proudly produced an electric
typewriter, small and light enough to be carried from one
electric outlet to another, and asked if
that was what I wanted.
Finally, I found a small shop with the grizzled, old
proprietor who knew what a portable,
manual typewriter was.
He still had one in the back room, and I was thrilled to
purchase it.
The proprietor was a little puzzled about what I was going
to do with it.
He was too polite to ask, but he made a guess.
As he handed me my new portable typewriter, he said,
"We don't sell very many of these.
You must do a lot of camping."
[LAUGHTER]
True story.
I continue with a third example of the contrast
between steady dedication and short, frenzied
outbursts of emotion.
A willingness to sacrifice all that we possess in the work of
the Lord is surely a mark of dedication.
In fact, it is a covenant we make in sacred places.
But this must be carefully confined to those sacrifices
the Lord and His leaders have asked of us at this time.
We should say with Alma, quote, "Why should I desire
more than to perform the work to which I've been
called?" end of quote.
Persons who consider it insufficient to pay their
tithes and offerings and to work in the positions to which
they've been called can easily be led astray by
cultist groups offering what I will call frenzied outlets for
their willingness to sacrifice.
A fourth example concerns goals.
There is great strength in being focused on our goals.
We've all seen the good fruits of that focus.
Yet, an intense focus on goals can cause a person to forget
the importance of righteous means.
When that happens, a commendable, steady dedication
can be transformed into a dangerous frenzy of excess.
A fifth area in which we must pursue the steady course and
avoid frenzied excess concerns finances.
We are commanded to give to the poor.
Could the fulfillment of that fundamental Christian
obligation be carried to excess?
Yes, it can.
I've seen it.
Perhaps you've also seen persons who fulfilled a duty
to give to the poor to such an excess they impoverished their
own families by expending resources of property or time
that were needed by family members.
To use an old agricultural expression, we should not eat
our seed corn.
Such an excess would deprive us of the ability to plant and
harvest next year's crop, from which to support our families
and give to the poor.
King Benjamin, who commanded his people to feed the hungry,
clothe the naked, visit the sick, and administer to their
relief, often cautioned them to see that all these things
are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a
man should run faster than he has strength, end of quote.
As I conclude my five examples, I
need to issue a caution.
The principle I have espoused, that we should pursue steady
dedication and avoid frenzied excesses, could be understood
as implying that we should have moderation in all things.
Not so.
The Savior commanded us to serve with all our heart,
might, mind, and strength, to seek earnestly the riches of
eternity, and to be valiant in the testimony of Jesus.
He has also told us that if we are lukewarm, He will spew us
out of His mouth.
The thrust of my examples is that we should be steadfast
and consistent in our dedication, our commitment,
and our efforts.
I've tried to give examples of the importance of a lifetime
of steadfast dedication, and I've warned against the
dangers of carrying good principles to excess.
If I've not yet succeeded in challenging you to look to
your own behavior, perhaps my last subject will do so.
In his address at the BYU commencement exercise two
weeks ago, Elder Earl C. Tingey referred to an article
in a recent issue of Time magazine about young
people of your age.
It states that the years from 18 to 25 have become, quote, a
distinct and separate life stage, a strange transitional
never-never land between adolescence and adulthood in
which people stall for a few extra years, postponing adult
responsibility, end of quote.
The article describes these transitional individuals as,
quote, permanent adolescents, 20-something Peter
Pans, end of quote.
[LAUGHTER]
Putting this analysis in terms more familiar to his audience
of BYU graduates and their families, Elder Tingey spoke
of, quote, the indecision some college graduates have in
accepting the responsibilities of marriage and
family, end of quote.
This tendency to postpone adult responsibilities,
including marriage and family, is surely visible among our
LDS young adults.
The average age at marriage has increased in the last few
decades, and the number of children born to LDS married
couples has decreased.
Elder Nelson's fireside message three months ago,
"Faith and Families," spoke of this subject, and it is also
part of my theme, "The Dedication of a Lifetime." I
will therefore conclude by sharing some concerns about
some current practices in the relationships of young LDS
singles in North America.
Knowledgeable observers report that dating has nearly
disappeared from college campuses and among young
adults generally.
It has been replaced by something called "hanging
out."
[LAUGHTER]
You apparently know what this is.
But I will describe it for the benefit of those of us who are
middle-age or older or otherwise uninformed.
Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young
women joining together in some group activity.
It is very different from dating.
For the benefit of some of you who are not middle-age or
older, I also may need to describe what dating is.
[LAUGHTER]
Unlike hanging out, dating is not a team sport.
[LAUGHTER]
Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of
one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can
lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases.
[LAUGHTER]
What has made dating an endangered species?
I'm not sure, but I can see some contributing factors.
One, the cultural tides in our world run strongly against
commitments in family relationships.
For example, divorce has been made legally easy, and
childbearing has become unpopular.
These pressures against commitments obviously serve
the devil's opposition to the Father's
plan for His children.
That plan relies on covenants and commitments kept.
Whatever draws us away from commitments weakens our
capacity to participate in the plan.
Dating involves commitments, if only for a few hours.
Hanging out requires no commitments, at least not for
the man, if the women provide the food and shelter.
[LAUGHTER]
Number two, the leveling effect of the women's movement
has contributed to discourage dating.
As women's options have increased, and some have
become more aggressive, some men have become reluctant to
take the traditional male initiatives, such as asking
for dates, lest they be thought to qualify for the
dreaded label of male chauvinist.
Three, hanging out is glamorized on TV programs
about singles.
Four, the meaning and significance of a date has
also changed in such a way as to price
dating out of the market.
I saw this trend beginning among our younger children.
For whatever reason, high school boys felt they had to
do something elaborate or bizarre to ask for a date,
especially for an event like a prom, and girls felt they had
to do likewise to accept.
In addition, a date had to be something of an expensive
production.
I saw some of this on the BYU campus during the '70s.
I remember seeing a couple having a dinner catered by
friends on the median strip between lanes of traffic just
south of the BYU football stadium.
All of this made dating more difficult.
And the more elaborate and expensive the date,
the fewer the dates.
And as dates become fewer and more elaborate, this seems to
create an expectation that a date implies a seriousness or
continuing commitment.
That expectation discourages dating even more.
Gone is the clumsy and inexpensive phone calls your
parents and grandparents and I use to make.
That call went something like this, "What
are you doing tonight?
How about a movie?
Or, how about taking a walk downtown?"
Cheap dates like that can be frequent and non-threatening
since they don't seem to imply a continuing commitment.
Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to
shop around in a way that allows extensive evaluation of
the prospects.
The old fashioned date was a wonderful way to get
acquainted with a member of the opposite sex.
It encouraged conversation.
It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you're
treated in a one-on-one situation.
It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a
mature relationship.
None of that happens in hanging out.
My younger brothers and sisters, follow the simple
dating pattern, and you don't need to do your shopping on
the Internet, through chat rooms, or dating services, two
alternatives that can be very dangerous, or at least
unnecessary or ineffective.
There's another possible contributing factor to the
demise of dating and the prominence of the culture of
hanging out.
For many years, the Church has counseled young people not to
date before age 16.
Perhaps some young adults, especially men, have carried
that wise counsel to excess--
[LAUGHTER]
--and determined not to date before 26, or maybe even 36.
Men, if you ever return from your mission, and you are
still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to
follow when you were 15, it's time for you to grow up.
[LAUGHTER]
Gather your courage, and look for someone to pair off with.
Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women,
and when that phase yields a good
prospect, proceed to courtship.
It's marriage time.
That is what the Lord intends for His young sons, adult
sons, and daughters.
Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it.
If you don't know what a date is, perhaps this
definition will help.
I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter.
A date must pass the test of three P's.
Planned ahead, paid for, and paired off.
Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage
dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent.
Don't make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting
where young women provide the food.
Don't subsidize freeloaders.
[LAUGHTER]
An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men
who make hanging out their primary interaction with the
opposite sex, you should lock up the pantry
and bolt the doors.
If you do this, you should also hang out a sign, "Will
open for individual dates," or something like that.
And young women, please make it easier for these shy males
to ask for a simple, inexpensive date.
Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is
something very serious.
If we're to persuade young man to ask for dates more
frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to
go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment.
Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind.
Otherwise, you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and
destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt
some other sister.
My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your
associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that
have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging out
patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team
sports like touch football.
Marriage is not a group activity.
At least, not until the children come
along in goodly numbers.
Sisters, you seem to have enjoyed my primary
concentration on the
responsibilities of single men.
Now, I have a few words for single women.
[LAUGHTER]
Sisters, if you are just marking time waiting for a
marriage prospect, stop waiting.
You may never have the opportunity for a suitable
marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving.
Prepare yourself for life, even a single life by
education, experience, and planning.
Don't wait for happiness to be thrust upon you.
Seek it out in service and learning.
Make a life for yourself, and trust in the Lord.
Your dedication of a lifetime should follow King Benjamin's
advice to be, quote, "calling on the name of the Lord daily,
and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to
come," end of quote.
Now sisters, single sisters, I have an expert witness to put
on the stand at this time.
It's my wife, Kristen, who, as an adult, was single for about
35 years before we married.
And I'm going to invite her to come forward and say what is
in her heart to the single sisters.
I was married in my middle 50s.
I feel like I'm becoming the poster
girl for "old." [LAUGHTER]
Thank you, Elder Oaks.
I felt so much to tell you how much you're loved by your
Heavenly Father before I start.
We're in Oakland, and I'd been at the visitors' center across
the way with the president of the mission here, and we saw
the Christus and the message of the living Christ, and it
went into my heart.
This is your time, and make it count by dedicating it to your
Heavenly Father.
I love Elder Packer; he talks about the Atonement.
It's not something that happens at the end of our
life; it happens every day of our life.
And I would say this to single sisters: make it count.
It can be very painful to be single for such a long time,
especially in a church of families.
I know how it feels.
It was my 50th birthday. And my brother-in-law was reading
the paper, and I walked across.
They were having a dinner.
I walked across the room, and he says, "Hey, it says here in
the paper that your chances of getting killed by a terrorist
are now greater than your chances of getting married."
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry.
So, I know that dating seems difficult when he said that,
but don't give up; it's not a terrorist activity.
[LAUGHTER]
I would also say to you, be balanced.
As a single woman, I had to go on and I actually got a
doctorate, and so I became so involved in my profession that
I forgot about being a good person.
And I would say to everyone in this room, always remember
your first calling is as a mother or as a father, and
develop those talents, the domestic talents, and the
talents of love and the talents of service.
And I had to go searching for service projects, and now I
have one across the table.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm so thankful for that.
In closing, I think about painful times in our life, and
they will happen whether you're single or whether
you're married.
You might have a child who's very ill or someone close to
you die or a period in your life that is very lonely.
You might lose a job or have a situation that you have no
control over, such as a lingering disease.
I would ask you to consecrate that to Heavenly Father.
In Helaman 35:3, if we turn our hearts, we yield our
hearts unto God, all our actions serve to sanctify us,
and so any time is a blessed time.
There is no wasted time.
You are my favorite group in the world.
You're most dear to me because I know what it feels like to
be in your shoes, and I was in them for a
very long, long time.
And I want you to know, I know this is the Church of the
living God. It's The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints.
And it is His Church.
I'm so thankful we have a living
prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley.
And most of all, I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves
me, because He would be my best friend when I felt that
there was no one else to love me.
And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Amen.
Thank you, Kristen.
Now, brothers and sisters, if you are troubled about
something we have just said, please listen very carefully
to what I will say now.
Perhaps you're a young man feeling pressured by what I
have said about the need to start a pattern of dating that
can lead to marriage, or a young woman troubled by what
we have said about needing to get on with your life.
If you feel you are a special case so that the strong
counsel I have given doesn't apply to you, please don't
write me a letter.
[LAUGHTER]
Why would I make this request?
I've learned that the kind of direct counsel I have given
results in a large number of letters from members who feel
they are an exception, and they want me to confirm that
the things I've said just don't apply to them in their
special circumstance.
I will explain why I can't offer much comfort in response
to that kind of letter by telling you an experience I
had with another person who was troubled
by a general rule.
I gave a talk in which I mentioned the commandment
"thou shalt not kill."
Afterwards, a man came up to me in tears, saying that what
I had said showed there was no hope for him.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
He explained that he had been a machine gunner during the
Korean War.
During a frontal assault, his machine gun mowed down scores
of enemy infantry.
Their bodies were piled so high in front of his gun that
he had his men push them away in order to maintain their
field of fire.
He had killed a hundred, he said, and now he must be going
to hell, because I'd spoken of the Lord's commandment "thou
shalt not kill."
The explanation I gave that man is the same explanation I
give to you if you feel you are an exception
to what I've said.
As a General Authority, it is my responsibility to preach
general principles.
When I do, I don't try to define all the exceptions.
There are exceptions to some rules.
For example, we believe the commandment is not violated by
killing pursuant to a lawful order in an armed conflict.
But don't ask me to give an opinion on your exception.
I only teach the general rules.
Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility.
You must work that out individually
between you and the Lord.
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught the same thing in
another way when he was asked how he governed such a diverse
group of Saints.
He said, "I teach them correct principles, and they govern
themselves."
In what I've just said, I'm simply teaching correct
principles and inviting each one of you to act upon those
principles by governing yourself.
Brothers and sisters, it's been a thrill to be with you.
I pray that the things that have been said this evening
will be carried into your heart and understood by you
through the power of the Holy Ghost with the same intent
that they have been uttered, which is to bless your life,
to give comfort to the afflicted, and
to afflict the comforted.
[LAUGHTER]
This is the Church of Jesus Christ. He is our Savior.
He died, He suffered, He died, in the terrible agony of
Gethsemane and Calvary in order to give us the assurance
of immortality and the opportunity for eternal life.
I pray that the Lord will bless each of us as we seek to
keep the commandments of the Lord, to set our sights ever
higher, to accomplish, in our day-to-day decisions, what
I've called the steady and tranquil
dedication of a lifetime.
This is the Church of Jesus Christ, restored in these
latter days, with the power of His priesthood and the
fulness of His gospel.
Of that, I bear witness, as I ask the blessings upon you,
the blessings of the Lord, to my noble, single, adult
brothers and sisters.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Amen.