With the help of others, you can accomplish great things. For example, missionaries have companions for support. In our groups, we have action partners. Action partners help each other keep commitments by:

• Calling, texting, or visiting each other during the week.

• Talking about what we learned in the group meeting.

• Encouraging each other to keep commitments.

• Counseling together about challenges.

• Praying for each other.

Being an action partner is not hard or time consuming. To start the conversation, you could ask:

• What did you like about our last group meeting?

• What good things have happened to you this week?

• How have you used the My Foundation principle this week?

The most important part of the discussion will be helping each other keep commitments. You could ask:

• How are you doing with your commitments?

• If you haven’t kept some of them, do you need help?

• How can I best support your efforts?

Because your Heavenly Father loves you, He sent His Son Jesus Christ to strengthen you during any situation you face in life.

This group will help you learn spiritual and practical skills to help each of us better care for our body, mind, emotions, and relationships. As you attend this course, work with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to know how to apply what you learn to your life and the lives of those you love. These meetings will be a safe place for honest sharing as this group follows the principle of confidentiality and uses language and behavior that invites the Spirit. You are invited to share personal experiences; rather than focusing on problems, share solutions you have found or that you would like to try.

This group is for educational purposes only. It is not group therapy or professional treatment for mental health issues. If you believe you are experiencing chronic issues with depression, stress and anxiety, anger, addiction, or other mental health issues, you should seek professional help.

Self-reliance groups work like a council. There is no teacher or expert. Instead, you follow the materials as they are written. Each group meeting lasts from 90 to 120 minutes. Your ability to connect with each other will help you feel the Spirit and become more emotionally resilient. With the guidance of the Spirit, you will help each other:

• Contribute equally to discussions and activities. No one, especially the facilitator, should dominate the conversation.

• Stay within the allotted time given for sharing.

• Love and support each other. Show interest, ask questions, and be sensitive to others’ feelings.

• Share positive and relevant comments; avoid sharing graphic details.

• Make and keep commitments.

“My Self-Reliance Group,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [4:01]. (No video? Read the following section, “Without a Teacher, How Will We Know What to Do?”)

It’s easy. Simply follow the materials. Each chapter in the workbook has five parts:

Report: Discuss the progress you made during the week on your commitments.

My Foundation: Review a gospel principle that will lead to greater spiritual self-reliance.

Learn: Learn practical skills that will lead to greater temporal self-reliance.

Ponder: Listen for inspiration from the Holy Ghost on how to act on what you have learned.

Commit: Promise to act on commitments during the week that will help you progress. You will also share what you learn each group meeting with family or friends.

While this manual is often used in self-reliance groups organized by a stake or ward, it can also be used anytime with family, friends, or neighbors who want to review it together.

Remember that what is shared during group meetings is confidential. The opinions expressed in our group are those of individuals and do not represent the views or the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

To become like the Savior, everyone will need to face challenges and hardships during this life. Dealing with life’s challenges successfully requires faith in Jesus Christ and emotional resilience. Emotional resilience is:

• The ability to adapt to emotional challenges with courage and faith centered in Jesus Christ.

• Helping yourself and others the best you can.

• Reaching out for additional help when needed.

This course is designed to strengthen you spiritually and teach you some basic skills for dealing with life’s challenges and disappointments. You’ll also learn from the experiences and help of other group members.

Ask yourself, why do you want to be more emotionally resilient? Write your answer below.

As the Father of our spirits, God is perfect, has all power, and knows all things. He loves each of us, and our progress is His work and glory. His plan for us is to grow and change until we become like Him. He allows us to be challenged, and if we respond in faith, the Lord will strengthen us and help us grow to become more like him. Being emotionally resilient helps us to be patient and grow from these challenges.

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire” (Elder Orson F. Whitney, as quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 98).

“He Is Building a Palace,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [1:19].

Even when bad things happen around us, we still get to choose how we respond. Taking responsibility for how we react, even when facing challenges, brings peace and power.

“As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond” (David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 90).

Challenges or unexpected changes may seem unfair. We may be tempted to respond in ways that are unproductive and not Christlike:

• Blame others

• Make excuses

• Rebel

• Complain

• Find fault

• Doubt

• Give up

• Procrastinate

• Get angry

• Indulge in self-pity

• Allow fear to rule

• Self-justify

Becoming emotionally resilient involves recognizing these responses in ourselves and using our agency to choose a more appropriate response.

“Mountains to Climb,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [5:05].

“Having faith in Jesus Christ is to trust that because of His atoning sacrifice He will correct all injustices, restore all things lost, and mend all things broken, including hearts. He will make all things right, not leaving any detail unattended” (Lynn G. Robbins, “Be 100 Percent Responsible” [Brigham Young University devotional, Aug. 22, 2017], speeches.byu.edu).

“At one time or another we’ve all heard some form of the familiar adage: ‘Nothing is as constant as change.’ Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly” (Thomas S. Monson, “Finding Joy in the Journey,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 84).

The Lord assures us that if we humble ourselves before Him, He can help us change for the better. “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

During these group meetings, one of your commitments each week will include writing down at least one thing you are grateful for each day. Expressing gratitude doesn’t mean that you deny or ignore feelings of pain or discouragement. It does mean that you acknowledge the blessings Heavenly Father has given you. For example, it could be when someone was kind to you or when you appreciated something you saw, smelled, heard, touched, or tasted.

“Grateful in Any Circumstance,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [1:06].

In the strength of the Lord and through His grace, we can be blessed to do, endure, and overcome all things. Over the last few weeks, we have found strength in the Lord and learned many skills to improve our emotional resilience.

Setbacks are a normal part of life and an expected part of any efforts to change. Your setbacks can teach you ways to continue your progression. When you face setbacks, it is helpful to focus on improvement and not perfection. Elder Kim B. Clark taught: “None of us are perfect. Sometimes we get stuck. We get distracted or discouraged. We stumble. But if we look to Jesus Christ with a repentant heart, He will lift us up, cleanse us from sin, forgive us, and heal our hearts. He is patient and kind; His redeeming love never ends and never fails” (“Look unto Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 56).

The scriptures teach, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all” (Psalm 34:19).

By turning to the Savior when you experience setbacks, you can develop a perspective of progress rather than perfection. One way to deal with setbacks is to compare them to taking a trip. For example, imagine you are traveling to a neighboring town. On your way, you experience a flat tire. Do you start your trip from the beginning to fix the tire? No. You find a way to fix it where you are and continue your journey. Similarly, when you experience a setback, you may feel like all your progress is erased and you have to start over, but that is not true. You can find ways to fix the problem where you are and move forward. Additionally, setbacks can even show you places you may need to improve.

In mortality we must learn to live with challenges and afflictions. We may strongly desire to be free from emotional challenges and strive for perfection, but even with our best efforts, symptoms of emotional challenges remain. But we don’t have to give up. We must learn to live with these challenges as we move forward with faith. Doing so will help us feel peace and be more resilient.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught: “There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!” (“Continue in Patience,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 57).

“Come What May, and Love It,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:31].

Throughout this course you learned skills to help you make changes in your life. You have set, worked on, and reported on goals to practice these skills. President M. Russell Ballard taught: “Set short-term goals that you can reach. Set goals that are well balanced—not too many nor too few, and not too high nor too low. Write down your attainable goals, and work on them according to their importance. Pray for divine guidance in your goal setting” (“Keeping Life’s Demands in Balance,” Ensign, May 1987, 14).

President Heber J. Grant often said, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself has changed, but that our power to do is increased” (author and source unknown).

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves. To break our own record, to outstrip our yesterdays by today, to bear our trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could, to give as we never have given, to do our work with more force and a finer finish than ever—this is the true objective” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Lighthouse of the Lord: A Message to the Youth of the Church,” Ensign, Feb. 2001, 5).

Brother Tad R. Callister taught the following about the Lord:

“The Savior’s Atonement gives us life for death, ‘beauty for ashes,’ healing for hurt, and perfection for weakness. It is heaven’s antidote to the obstacles and struggles of this world.

“In the Savior’s final week of mortality, He said, ‘In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world’ [John 16:33]. Because the Savior performed His Atonement, there is no external force or event or person—no sin or death or divorce—that can prevent us from achieving exaltation, provided we keep God’s commandments. With that knowledge, we can press forward with good cheer and absolute assurance that God is with us in this heavenly quest” (“The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 87).

The Lord wants to comfort and support us. He has promised, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10). The following are a few ways you can seek divine help:

• Forgive yourself and others.

• Pray with faith, humility, and gratitude.

• Feast upon the scriptures and teachings of living prophets.

• Attend the temple.

• Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy.

• Partake of the sacrament, and always remember the Savior.

• Realize that having and asking questions is an important part of receiving revelation.

• Remember the Savior wants to help you with your goals.

God doesn’t want us to go through our trials alone. It is often through another person that He meets our needs. God has and will put people into our lives to help us and support us during our trials. Places we can turn to for help include:

• Family and trusted friends.

• Church leaders and ministering sisters or brothers.

• Community resources.

• Professional help.

Congratulations on completing this course! Many of the things we have discussed cannot be accomplished in 10 weeks. However, you may have developed some habits that can help you progress toward greater emotional resilience. Review the chapters in this workbook often to remember and practice these principles and skills.

After completing this course, some groups choose to continue meeting together less frequently. Some find value in consistently learning together, supporting each other, and working to overcome challenges. Others have used text messages or social media to regularly offer encouragement and share uplifting articles, videos, and other content.

Your thoughts are important. How you talk about yourself and how you think about things impact how you feel and how resilient you can be. Your thoughts also play a great role in how you interact with others and perceive the world around you. The scriptures teach, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

Knowing how much power your thoughts have over your emotions, both the Savior and the adversary seek to influence your thoughts. The Savior asks us to “look unto [Him] in every thought” with faith, without doubt or fear (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36).

“Am I Good Enough?” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:28].

We might frequently find ourselves focusing our thoughts on what is wrong or negative. Inaccurate thinking patterns may lead us to see the worst possible outcomes to a situation. These distorted thoughts cause us to feel bad about ourselves and others. We all experience negative thoughts, but sometimes we get stuck in them and don’t see the inaccurate thinking pattern and how it is hurting our emotional health. Read the list “Common Inaccurate Thinking Patterns,” and then discuss the question that follows the list. Consider identifying one or two of these thinking patterns that you use most.

A trigger is something that causes an automatic reaction in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Triggers may include things you see, think, feel, and experience. They can be impacted by your mood, the time of day, energy level, relationships, places, events, or other situations. When your automatic reaction to a trigger is inappropriate, you can learn better ways to respond.

After you identify your inaccurate thinking patterns, the next step is to try and change them to more accurate, truthful thoughts. You can invite the Savior’s influence by challenging your thoughts and asking whether they are true (see John 8:32). Here are some questions you can use to challenge your inaccurate thoughts:

• Considering all the evidence, is the thought I’m having 100 percent accurate?

• Is this something the Savior would want me to think or feel?

• Is this thought all or nothing—all good or all bad, win or lose, true or false?

• Does thinking this way help me or hurt me?

• How do I feel when I have this thought?

• What do I know about myself and others that tells me this is not true?

• What would I tell my best friend or someone I respected if they thought these things?

The final step to changing our thoughts is to practice. This takes time and patience.

While thinking errors bind us and limit our happiness and ability to grow, challenging those thinking errors and replacing them with more accurate thoughts will “make [us] free” (John 8:32). Creating more accurate thoughts will help our confidence grow as we see ourselves and others in a healthier way.

This week you can practice healthy thinking patterns by completing the “Thinking Management Chart” at the end of this chapter. Consider sharing your completed chart with a family member or your action partner.

Your loving Heavenly Father provided you with the gift of a body to house your spirit (see Doctrine and Covenants 88:15; Abraham 5:7). A healthy body is important to being emotionally resilient. As you take better care of your physical health, your emotional health will also improve, and vice versa. Some ways you can better care for the body Heavenly Father has given you include regular exercise, plenty of rest, personal hygiene, and healthy eating.

Regular exercise can greatly benefit your emotional health. Physical activity stimulates your brain and releases chemicals that help with your emotions and ability to see situations clearly. Taking time to be active can leave you feeling happier, more relaxed, and less anxious. Physical activity can also be an opportunity to use your body and connect with family and friends in a fun, social setting.

If you haven’t exercised for a long time; have chronic health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis; or have other concerns, check with a medical professional before starting a new exercise plan.

The need for sleep and rest is often forgotten. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill” (“Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 41). Quality sleep can help protect your mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety. When you’re tired, you might find it hard to make decisions, solve problems, control your emotions and behavior, and handle change.

Rest is more than getting enough sleep. The Book of Mormon teaches, “It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27). Maybe you feel pressure to keep up with the fast-paced world. You may be in a phase of life that seems overwhelming, such as raising young children or caring for a sick loved one. You can also be affected by emotional challenges that cause you to feel tired and want to sleep longer than needed. Staying in bed too long can be harmful to your mental and emotional health. The Lord loves you and knows your unique circumstances. He can direct you to ideas and resources that will be helpful for your situation.

If you often sleep too much or too little, consider seeking help from a doctor.

We show respect for our bodies when we treat and talk about them positively. Prioritizing small things like washing our hands, bathing regularly, brushing our teeth, and keeping our clothes clean will improve our health and can help us feel better about ourselves.

The Savior taught the Prophet Joseph Smith about healthy living in 1833 in a revelation that became known as the Word of Wisdom (see Doctrine and Covenants 89). This revelation provides direction regarding what we should eat and drink and what we should avoid. The Lord promises good health, stamina, protection, knowledge, and wisdom to those who obey the Word of Wisdom.

In one of his final general conference talks, President Thomas S. Monson said: “May we care for our bodies and our minds by observing the principles set forth in the Word of Wisdom, a divinely provided plan. With all my heart and soul, I testify of the glorious blessings which await us as we do” (“Principles and Promises,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 79).

Make sure to drink plenty of clean water throughout the day. Eat enough of the right food to fuel your body so you have the energy you need to accomplish your daily tasks. In general, consider eating more vegetables, fruit, whole grains, legumes, and nuts. Also consider reducing refined sugar, salt, sweetened beverages, and saturated fat.

You may also want to talk to someone you know about your eating habits. Discuss some ways that you can better fuel your body. As you work to live a healthier life, you may not see results right away. But you can know that you are doing your best to take care of the body God has given you.

One symptom of an eating disorder would be to focus on food and exercise to the point where you can’t concentrate on other aspects of your life.

If you find your eating habits limit your activities or impair your health, please seek medical help.

Your body experiences strong emotions. Becoming emotionally resilient requires you to acknowledge, accept, and respond to your emotions in a healthy way. Emotions are a normal part of our mortal experience. Sometimes your emotions may be strong, and it can be challenging to respond to them. When you allow your emotions to decide your behaviors, you surrender to your emotions rather than using your agency to respond to your emotions.

The first step in managing emotions is becoming aware of them. One tool that can help is an emotions journal, where you can reflect on the emotions you have felt. In an emotions journal, you record the emotion you feel, the situation you were in, and the actions you took because of the emotion. Ponder these feelings and situations and then write down your thoughts. As you track your emotions, look for patterns and trends. Consider writing in your emotions journal daily. See the example below.

Elder Richard G. Scott taught, “Yielding to emotions such as anger or hurt or defensiveness will drive away the Holy Ghost” (“How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 45). Of course, we will all feel anger and hurt at times. Sometimes we are even justified in feeling these emotions. However, it is important for us to resolve these feelings if we want to better connect with the Lord and feel the Spirit.

Elder Scott also suggested a way that emotion can help us feel the Spirit and be more resilient: “A good sense of humor helps revelation. … A sense of humor is an escape valve for the pressures of life” (“How to Obtain Revelation,” 46).

When you face challenges, you need to do all you can to take care of yourself. Doing all you can means using the resources you have in your life to support you in whatever challenges you are facing. Below is a list of ideas for self-care.

• Take a nap

• Visit with a friend

• Slow down

• Take a shower or bath

• Exercise

• Read a book

• Listen to music

• Create something

• Pray

• Take a walk

• Make a list of things you are grateful for

• Enjoy a nice meal

• Dance

• Sing

• Use relaxation techniques (see the activity in item 3 in the “Learn” section of chapter 4 and the “Resources” section of chapter 4)

Stress and anxiety are normal parts of life. These words describe ways the brain and body respond to any demand, such as a problem at work, a test at school, or an important decision. Normal amounts of stress and anxiety can help you focus, reach your goals, and protect your body. For example, if you have some stress about your job, you will likely come to work prepared and focused on your tasks.

Stress and anxiety help keep you alive, but feeling stress and anxiety too often or for too long can cause significant problems and lead to mental illness. If you are dealing with too much stress and anxiety, you might get sick often, have headaches, feel angry, have drastic changes in your appetite, or experience a lack of focus.

You may start to feel overwhelmed by your job, or you may not want to go to work because you fear something bad will happen or that you will not be good enough. These are signs that you are feeling distress or debilitating levels of stress and anxiety.

Stress and anxiety can impact your ability to feel the Spirit or distort your understanding of spiritual promptings. Sister Reyna I. Aburto said, “If we are constantly sad and if our pain blocks our ability to feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son and the influence of the Holy Ghost, then we may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another emotional condition” (“Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

This chapter focuses on learning to cope better with normal levels of stress and anxiety. You can learn to recognize when you are under too much stress or anxiety and seek the appropriate help.

Like gauges on a car’s dashboard that remind you to slow down, get gas, or check the engine, symptoms of stress are signals to remind you to slow down, fill up your spiritual “tank,” and look for new solutions. As you work to manage your stress effectively, it may help to categorize stress into four different levels. (See the chart in the following activity.)

Those who find it hard to handle day-to-day life may have a health issue. An emergency may cause you to suddenly move to an orange or red stress level. People should seek professional help right away if they feel they cannot cope or are using harmful substances. Those who have thoughts of suicide should go to the nearest hospital emergency room and reach out to family, a friend, or their bishop or other Church leader. See suicide.ChurchofJesusChrist.org for help lines and resources.

Anyone in North America can call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255.

Stress and inaccurate thinking patterns can dominate and distort your thoughts. Your attention can wander, or you may check out and focus on anything other than what’s happening around you.

Mindfulness is a skill that will help you be more emotionally resilient. It is paying attention to what your body is telling you in the here and now. It can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase your sense of well-being and confidence. Mindfulness also helps you avoid being overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s happening around you.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed am I feeling right now?

You can do the mindfulness exercise on your own at any time. Consider learning more about mindfulness and other relaxation techniques by using the resources at the end of this chapter.

“Reach Up to Him in Faith,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:54].

President Dallin H. Oaks taught of Christ’s ability to strengthen us in any situation we face: “He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all. …

“… Our Savior’s Atonement does more than assure us of immortality by a universal resurrection and give us the opportunity to be cleansed from sin by repentance and baptism. His Atonement also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He will bind up our wounds and care for us (see Luke 10:34). The healing and strengthening power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement is for all of us who will ask” (“Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 62, 64).

Perfectionism is the belief that if we are not perfect in everything, we are a failure and not good enough for God or anyone else. However, we know the Lord has given us weakness to help us stay humble and teachable (see Ether 12:27).

Regarding perfection, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught:

“Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t ‘earn’ it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism. …

“Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. … If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection” (“Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 41–42).

Here are four principles for increasing self-compassion and decreasing perfectionism:

1. Become aware of perfectionism in our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

2. Challenge those thoughts, feelings, and actions.

3. Accept our mistakes as part of life, and don’t fear making mistakes.

4. Develop self-compassion; accept and love yourself, including your imperfections.

“Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:54].

Sadness and depression are described as feelings of sorrow, unhappiness, and grief, and they are a normal part of our experience here on earth. Sadness and depression can come through difficulties resulting from rejection, interpersonal relationships, disappointments, and other pains. They are difficult, yet essential, elements in our growth. Elder Bruce C. Hafen taught that Heavenly Father meant for us to have painful experiences in our lives so we could ultimately experience joy more fully (see “A Willingness to Learn from Pain,” Ensign, Oct. 1983, 64, 66).

Major depressive disorder, or severe depression, is different. It is an emotional state or condition that affects our thinking, emotions, perceptions, and behaviors. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland discussed the difference between normal sadness and depression and major depressive disorder: “When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. … I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully” (“Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 40).

Major depressive disorder can occur without a clear explanation for its cause, or it can result from unhealthy reactions to painful events. When we experience severe depression, we often feel numb or deadened to our emotions. We may have feelings of shame, self-blame, or self-hatred, all of which are likely to interfere with how we function every day. Severe depression also interferes with our ability to deal positively with challenges as they arise.

Additionally, as we read in our last meeting, sadness and depression can impact our ability to feel or understand the promptings of the Spirit. (See Reyna I. Aburto, “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57–60).

“Like a Broken Vessel, Part 1,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [1:38].

Being aware of why we have these feelings can help us be more compassionate to ourselves and others. Feelings such as sadness or depression can be caused by several things, including many of the factors below:

The following symptoms may be signs of major depressive disorder, or clinical depression. Most people will experience these symptoms at times throughout their lives, but if you experience multiple symptoms for a long time, it may mean that you are experiencing deeper issues. If three or more of these symptoms continue over a period of time, limit your ability to function, or are difficult to escape despite personal and family efforts, you should seek professional help.

*If you or others have thoughts of death or suicide, seek professional help immediately by going to the nearest hospital emergency room and reaching out to family, a friend, or a bishop or other Church leader. Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously.

See suicide.ChurchofJesusChrist.org or mentalhealth.ChurchofJesusChrist.org for help lines and resources.

Anyone in North America can call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255.

Sister Reyna I. Aburto taught: “Like any part of the body, the brain is subject to illnesses, trauma, and chemical imbalances. When our minds are suffering, it is appropriate to seek help from God, from those around us, and from medical and mental health professionals. …

“It is normal to feel sad or worried once in a while. Sadness and anxiety are natural human emotions. However, if we are constantly sad and if our pain blocks our ability to feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son and the influence of the Holy Ghost, then we may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another emotional condition” (“Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 57).

Almost everyone will experience grief at some point in their lifetime, whether due to the death of a loved one or another loss or big life change such as losing a job or a relationship. Because of the gospel, our covenants, and the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again, we may feel that we shouldn’t struggle with grief. However, this is not the case. Even the Savior wept when Lazarus died, because He loved him (see John 11:35–36). President Russell M. Nelson taught: “Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: ‘Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die’ [Doctrine and Covenants 42:45]” (“Doors of Death,” Ensign, May 1992, 20).

Everyone will grieve differently and on a different timetable. While grieving, most people experience the emotions listed below, although there is no specific order or time frame in which to experience them.

• Denial: We can’t believe that this has happened. We might find ourselves in shock or pretend or forget this is happening for a time.

• Anger: We may feel angry with ourselves, our loved ones, and even God. Anger is an expression of the value we place on what we have lost.

• Bargaining: We may think we are in a bad dream and try to bargain with God to reverse things. We may ask “what if” questions, such as “What if I go to the temple every week?” in order to get a specific outcome.

• Sadness: We experience profound sadness over our loss. This sadness can be powerful and overwhelming, but it is not necessarily clinical depression. It is a normal part of the grieving process.

• Acceptance: Acceptance is accepting that the loss has happened. It does not mean that we are happy about the loss or that we are betraying the memory of what we have lost. We simply accept the reality of the loss so we can start to move on.

Everyone grieves differently. Some may have trouble sleeping and eating. Others may want to be with people, while others may want to be alone. Some may feel intense emotions, and others may not. Some may grieve quickly, and others may take a long time. There is no correct way to grieve.

The following suggestions may help you better understand and cope with grieving or allow you to help others who are grieving:

• Give yourself permission to feel, cry, and experience whatever you may or may not be feeling as part of the process.

• Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and try to exercise.

• Identify the feelings you are having, and acknowledge that they are normal and healthy.

• Set realistic expectations about how much time you may need, and take one step at a time.

• Recognize that feelings of happiness, joy, and peace are not disloyal to the memory of what you have lost.

• Express your thoughts and feelings by writing about your loss as well as your hope for the future.

• If these feelings become overwhelming, consider seeking help from a professional.

You do not have to grieve alone and can turn to others in your time of need. You can find support from family, friends, Church leaders, and, most importantly, the Savior.

Sister Sharon Eubank taught about how the Savior can help us: “When tragedies overtake us, when life hurts so much we can’t breathe, when we’ve taken a beating like the man on the road to Jericho and been left for dead, Jesus comes along and pours oil into our wounds, lifts us tenderly up, takes us to an inn, looks after us [see Luke 10:30–35]. To those of us in grief, He says, ‘I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, … that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions’ [Mosiah 24:14]. Christ heals wounds” (“Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 74).

As we experience grief, it can feel unbearable, and we may feel a desire to isolate ourselves from other people. However, remember that we can find support through others.

“Christ’s Atoning Love Heals Grieving Hearts,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:22].

You may know someone who has lost a loved one, is going through a hard time, or has been diagnosed with depression or another illness. It can be hard to know what to say or do around them. You might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable showing emotion or being near someone who is showing emotions. In the left column below are some examples of less helpful phrases you may have heard people use when trying to help someone who is grieving. In the right column are helpful phrases you could use instead.

Each person is unique and will have different needs. Even if you say all the right things, the other person may still feel upset. Being hurt and upset is a natural part of being sad or depressed. Your most important job is to show up, listen, and offer love and kindness.

Review the “Resources” section at the end of this chapter for a list of resources for dealing with various challenges in life.

Everyone experiences anger. There are countless reasons to feel angry. We can’t always control angry feelings, and it is easy to feel justified in our anger. We may even feel better in the moment after expressing anger in aggressive ways. But expressing anger doesn’t help us feel better in the long-term, and it can result in strained relationships, physical illness, financial loss, and spiritual or even physical damage to self and others.

The Savior taught the Nephites: “There shall be no disputations among you. … For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:29–30).

Think of a time when you felt angry; then complete the chart below.

When we allow ourselves to dwell on angry thoughts, our body also reacts. Physical reactions in the body increase our “emotional temperature level.” Certain behaviors can intensify our anger, so learning skills that help us “cool down” is an important part of managing anger.

To manage your anger, identify the different emotions underlying it. It’s often easier to be angry than to deal with your real, underlying feelings. Below is a list of some underlying emotions and experiences that may result in you feeling angry.

It is important to understand the connection between anger and agency. As things happen in our lives, we may feel anger, but we are able to choose how to respond to this feeling: to become angry or to become charitable, kind, and generous.

Elder Lynn G. Robbins described a situation where an athletically talented young man tried out for and made it onto a sports team. On the first day of practice, the coach had the young man play against another player while the team watched. “When he missed an easy shot, he became angry and stomped and whined. The coach walked over to him and said, ‘You pull a stunt like that again, and you’ll never play for my team.’ For the next three years he never lost control again. Years later, as he reflected back on this incident, he realized that the coach had taught him a life-changing principle that day: anger can be controlled” (“Agency and Anger,” Ensign, May 1998, 80).

One way you can choose to respond is through humor. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught, “Jesus found special joy and happiness in children and said all of us should be more like them—guileless and pure, quick to laugh and to love and to forgive” (“This Do in Remembrance of Me,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 68–69). Being able to laugh at yourself or find humor in a situation helps you better cope with life’s unexpected frustrations and disappointments. Uplifting humor can help improve your attitude, relationships, and health. This kind of humor does not offend or embarrass others. As it says in Proverbs, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). While it’s not appropriate to laugh all the time, most people could benefit by laughing more.

Living in unity with Jesus Christ can help you feel peace instead of anger. The “mighty change” of heart (Alma 5:14) that comes from being unified with Jesus Christ can help you to want to forgive others, “do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2), and “wait upon the Lord” (Psalm 37:9). The Holy Ghost will fill you with “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23).

“Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [8:24].

Anger can lead to violent or abusive behavior. Domestic violence is different than minor disagreements. No one is expected to endure abusive behavior or violence. See abuse.ChurchofJesusChrist.org for crisis help lines (available in English only) and other resources.

If you are the victim of domestic violence, get help immediately, including contacting appropriate authorities. The Church does not tolerate abuse of any kind. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. We denounce the physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse of one’s spouse or children” (“What Are People Asking about Us?” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 72). Whether you are a victim or a perpetrator, seek help now if you are caught in a web of abuse. Your bishop or other Church leaders can help you heal.

Agency is a divine gift from Heavenly Father. The adversary wants to distract us and limit our ability to make good choices. One way he does this is through addictions. Someone can become addicted to many different types of behaviors or substances. These include but are not limited to alcohol, illicit drugs, pornography, sex, tobacco, food, technology, and gambling.

“What Is Addiction?” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [1:31].

Addictive and compulsive behaviors are not only a spiritual challenge but a physical one. Elder M. Russell Ballard taught: “Researchers tell us there is a mechanism in our brain called the pleasure center [see National Institute on Drug Abuse, Drugs, Brains, and Behavior—The Science of Addiction (2010), 18, drugabuse.gov/scienceofaddiction/sciofaddiction.pdf]. When activated by certain drugs or behaviors, it overpowers the part of our brain that governs our willpower, judgment, logic, and morality. This leads the addict to abandon what he or she knows is right” (“O That Cunning Plan of the Evil One,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 108). While we may be doing all that is necessary to heal spiritually from an addiction, healing may still be necessary for our body, specifically our brain. As we work on our addictive behaviors, our brains can change and heal.

Preach My Gospel gives an example of this by describing challenges for new converts, but this counsel applies to anyone involved in an addiction: “Repentance may involve an emotional and physical process. … Thus, both repentance and recovery may take considerable time. … Baptism and confirmation may not fully do away with the emotional and physical urges that go along with these behaviors. Even though a person may have some initial success, further emotional healing may be necessary to completely repent and recover” (Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service [2018], 189).

“Why Is It So Hard to Quit?” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [2:01].

Although the recovery process can be difficult, the scriptures give hope that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). Below are some general principles that can assist you, with the Lord’s help, to recover from an addictive behavior or habit.

• Pray for help. You can always ask God for His help. He is there and will answer your prayer.

• Find hope. Know that the Savior can heal you as you do your part.

• Be honest. Addiction gains power in secrecy, but it is weakened with honesty.

• Connect with others. Connection can fill needs that addiction often offsets.

• Make a plan. Prayerfully consider changes you need to make, avoid difficult situations, and learn from your mistakes. Think about Moroni and the many layers of protection against the Lamanites he had his people build (see Alma 49).

• Be accountable. Ask for help from someone you trust, make a follow-up plan together with your trusted person, and regularly review your progress.

• Get support. You don’t have to do this alone. Speak with your family, bishop, leaders, or friends.

• Remember that you are a child of God. Don’t define yourself by your addiction. Have compassion for yourself and others.

• Don’t give up. Even if you slip up, no effort is wasted. It takes time to heal. Be patient with yourself.

See chapter 2, “Healthy Thinking Patterns,” for additional ideas.

Some individuals may need to take more significant steps to heal. This includes asking a doctor for help, attending a 12-step addiction recovery meeting, working with a therapist or treatment program, or a combination of approaches.

“What Is Addiction Recovery?” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [2:08].

For more information, review additional Church resources, such as the ones that follow.

• AddressingPornography.ChurchofJesusChrist.org

• AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org

• “Addiction” under the “Life Help” section of the Gospel Library app

People who struggle with an addictive behavior or habit need support and help from those around them. If someone reaches out to you for help, thank him or her for having the courage to be honest with you and listen carefully to what he or she says. Pray for help in keeping your emotions, such as anger, hurt, or resentment, in check. Tell the person that you love him or her and want to help. Encourage the individual to work with Church leaders and others who can assist.

If you believe someone you love needs help but hasn’t opened up to you, tell the person about your concern. Express your love, share your concerns, and tell of your desire to help. Even if the person rejects your offer to help, continue to show your love and don’t give up.

As your loved one tries to heal, he or she may feel discouraged and hopeless. You can provide encouragement and support by acknowledging the progress your loved one is making as well as testifying that there is still hope and the Lord loves him or her.

You can support your loved one by reinforcing his or her efforts to come unto Christ and heal. In some instances, your help can be very beneficial and even lifesaving. However, you must be careful not to support your loved one in making poor choices or enable him or her to commit sin. If you fall into a trap of consistently rescuing your loved one, you may hinder his or her recovery and delay your loved one from turning to the Lord for help. Everyone’s situation is different and may require a different response. Pray for the Spirit to guide you, and consider asking others with experience or expertise for help.

Structure and rules can help someone dealing with addiction get through the recovery process. A person involved—a parent or spouse, for example—can set and clearly communicate boundaries, make rules, and hold your loved one accountable for his or her choices, for experiencing consequences can provide your loved one with increased motivation to heal. These actions are not done to control your loved one or friend but rather to minimize the negative impact of his or her choices in your life and the lives of other loved ones around him or her.

It can be devastating when someone learns that a loved one is struggling with a compulsive or addictive behavior. This person may mistakenly blame themselves, be angry, or worry that there is no hope. A spouse, family member, or friend needs the healing power of the Savior just as much as his or her loved one who is caught up in a compulsive or addictive behavior or habit.

Below are some suggestions for the spouse, family members, and friends of someone struggling with addiction:

1. This isn’t just your loved one’s problem. It’s not fair, but it affects you too. Turn your burdens over to the Lord and seek healing for yourself.

2. Pray for help and guidance. Seek the Lord. Be around people who love you.

3. You didn’t cause the addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t fix it. This is your loved one’s challenge.

4. Get support. Speak with others you trust and feel safe with. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

For more information, see the Spouse and Family Support Guide or attend a spouse and family support group (AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org/spouses-and-families).

“What I Know Now: Spouses,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:52].

Or

“What I Know Now: Parents,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [3:55].

What did you learn from the video that could help you?

Most addiction is preventable if you have a good understanding of yourself and the things that could entice you into addictive behaviors. For many people, addictive patterns often start in late teen years. The principles in the following chart can help prevent addiction.

“Adolescent Addiction,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [2:18].

Think about yourself or someone you care about. Which of the principles in the video and in the chart would you like to incorporate in this relationship? Consider sharing your plan with your action partner.

As we develop loving relationships with others, our physical, emotional, and spiritual health is strengthened. Heavenly Father wants us to love Him and those around us. Our family and friends love us and can provide the support, encouragement, and honest feedback we need to successfully cope with life’s challenges. The adversary wants to isolate us from others and wants for us to feel deprived of the blessings that come from relationships.

“The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that ‘friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of “Mormonism”’ [Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (2007), 463]. That thought ought to inspire and motivate all of us because I feel that friendship is a fundamental need of our world. I think in all of us there is a profound longing for friendship, a deep yearning for the satisfaction and security that close and lasting relationships can give” (Marlin K. Jensen, “Friendship: A Gospel Principle,” Ensign, May 1999, 64).

When building relationships, we must take the initiative to reach out to others and be tolerant of differences. We can build relationships through “small and simple” means (Alma 37:6). Taking time to create quality relationships matters more than the quantity. We will find that we get more joy in life as we develop close relationships with a few people we trust rather than having many superficial relationships. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of friends, but we should not assume having more friends equals happiness.

Read the list below of additional ways to create and build relationships with others.

Become genuinely interested in other people. Learn what other people love or enjoy. You don’t have to have the same interests, but you can learn to care about what they are interested in.

Smile. Happiness does not depend on what is happening around you but rather on how you respond to your circumstances. Smiles are free to give and can be a great way of making others feel better.

Remember people’s names. A person’s name is the most important sound to him or her, whether the person realizes it or not. Learning someone’s name can help that person feel valued and important.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. People feel appreciated when someone listens to them. The easiest way to have someone want to talk to you is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, you must genuinely care about what others have to say.

Try sincerely to make others feel important. The golden rule is to treat other people how you would like to be treated. People like to feel important—like what they say or do matters to others. You can do your best to help people feel important by practicing the ideas listed here.

“We build this relationship [with others] one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents. I was deeply impressed by one sister who was burdened with the challenges of age and illness but decided that although she couldn’t do much, she could listen. And so each week she watched for people who looked troubled or discouraged, and she spent time with them, listening. What a blessing she was in the lives of so many people” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 22).

Think about someone with whom you can build a stronger relationship. Consider the ideas earlier in this section and the counsel in President Uchtdorf’s words, and write down ways you can apply what you learn to build this relationship.

Everyone makes judgments about situations and people, including the actions of family members. President Uchtdorf explained, “When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment” (“The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 70). But the Book of Mormon states, “Seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged” (Moroni 7:18).

Imagine you see a parent with four small children. The children are loud and are annoying you and those around them. The parent appears to be unaware and distracted, oblivious to how much the behavior of the children is affecting those around them. After some time, the parent speaks harshly to the children, telling them to be quiet.

Disagreements and differences with others are a natural part of relationships. This can happen because of differences in values, opinions, perceptions, motivations, desires, and ideas. Learning to address these differences in a healthy way can strengthen your relationships with others and help you develop empathy and patience. Healthy conflict resolution is likely to occur when individuals feel safe and valued. Though differences are normal, they do not have to lead to contention. It is contention during a conflict that causes a problem.

When personal differences occur, you may have difficulty clearly communicating your side without escalating the conflict. Using “I” messages can help you state your concerns, feelings, and needs in a manner that is easier for the listener to hear and understand. An “I” message focuses on your own feelings and experiences rather than your perspective of what the other person has done or failed to do.

The first part of an “I” message identifies and expresses your own feelings, which is critical in addressing conflict or disagreement. It helps to lessen defensive feelings and makes it easier to listen to one another. Read the examples below of how to translate a “you” remark into an “I” message.

When you take time to communicate your feelings to someone, you might assume it is the other person’s responsibility to follow through on fulfilling your desires. But even when you communicate your feelings to others, your feelings and desires are still your responsibility. When your “I” message doesn’t produce the desired result, you can act lovingly to create the outcome you want instead of becoming resentful.

“Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “In Praise of Those Who Save,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 80).

“Enduring Love,” available at https://churchofjesuschrist.org/study/video/self-reliance-videos [4:16].

Who do you know that could benefit from your charity? Why?

The Lord has given us counsel about developing relationships through the inspired document “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” It teaches that successful relationships are “established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

The Lord has asked us to minister to those around us. The story of Alma and Amulek is instructive. Alma realized that Amulek was truly suffering emotionally, and he personally took him “to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord” (Alma 15:18).

How have people helped you be “strengthened … in the Lord”?

There are several common myths you may believe about helping others. As you read through the following myths, evaluate whether or not you have ever felt these ways.

Regardless of your best intentions, it is easy to say things that are not very helpful while trying to help someone through difficult times. But this should not scare you away from continuing to try to be helpful. God wants you to love and help His children. Be sensitive to the feelings of those you are trying to help, taking care not to say or do anything that minimizes their pain and difficulty.

Sister Reyna I. Aburto taught, “Even if we do not know how to relate to what others are going through, validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing” (“Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 58). To validate people’s feelings means to first accept their feelings and then to understand them.

Below are some steps to help you validate someone who is facing a challenge:

1. Listen. Be present and listen intently to what the person is telling you. Don’t be defensive if you have contributed to the person’s problem.

2. Try to understand. You may need to ask compassionate questions to better understand what this person is feeling. Do your best to understand where the person is coming from.

3. Accept the person’s feelings. Don’t try to change the person or say he or she is wrong for feeling this way. As you do this, be careful not to encourage unhealthy or harmful thinking patterns.

4. Express compassion. Express that you care about what the person is feeling. Even if you can’t relate to the situation or the cause of the feeling, you can validate the person’s feelings by saying things like “You feel disrespected [or anxious, hopeless, worthless, angry, and so on]. It’s hard to feel that way.”

5. Show love. Tell this person that you care about them and that you are confident in his or her ability to solve or overcome the problem.

Here is an example of how you could validate someone going through a hard time:

Jill is a single mother whose son recently died from a drug overdose. She lives alone and doesn’t have family nearby. Maria came by to talk to her and ask her how she was doing. Maria was tempted to interrupt Jill, but she didn’t. She just listened. When she felt it was appropriate, she asked questions like “How are you feeling right now?” and “What is the most challenging thing for you?” Instead of saying, “At least he’s with God now,” she understood that Jill just missed her son. Maria decided to express empathy by saying, “I can tell that you miss him so much, and my heart is breaking with you.” She then showed love by sitting and crying with her.

The Church’s website on ministering includes more ideas that could help you understand how to show compassion. See ministering.ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

Heavenly Father has given everyone the gift of agency, and individuals are responsible for their own choices regardless of the help you offer. As you reach out to others, remember that you are not responsible for solving their problems or controlling the choices they make. It is important to set your own healthy boundaries while helping others.

The Savior wants you to honor your loved ones’ agency, but that doesn’t necessarily mean standing by passively. Seek the Spirit in helping you understand how you can serve others in ways that honor their agency and that don’t make others feel unheard.

The following are ideas for things you might do in addition to validating feelings and listening:

• Fast and pray for them.

• Consecrate your time in the temple on their behalf.

• Seek professional help and advice.

• Research emotional health.

• Send notes of encouragement, or share humorous messages to make them smile.

• Seek priesthood blessings and counsel.

• Join a support group for family and friends.

• Make yourself available to them while maintaining healthy boundaries.

• Serve them in ways they ask for or agree to—ways that don’t violate their agency or make them feel unheard.

Caring for loved ones can be hard and overwhelming. As you seek to care for those in need, try to be understanding and avoid passing judgment. You can take counsel from the scriptures and “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that [you] may be filled with this love,” which is charity, or the love of Christ (Moroni 7:48).

If you have a loved one with emotional health issues, you may often be so focused on taking care of that person that you forget to take care of yourself. There is help and support for you. Support groups can help family members learn about health problems, ways to help, and strategies for coping with symptoms. Reach out to trusted friends and health-care professionals for help for yourself and your loved one. The support of family and friends can have a positive impact on treatment of serious social and emotional health issues.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland counseled: “For caregivers, in your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength [Mosiah 4:27]. Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give ‘love unfeigned’ [Doctrine and Covenants 121:41]” (“Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 41).

This group is for educational purposes only. It is not group therapy or professional treatment for mental health issues. If you are worried about the safety of someone in the group, try to reach out to him or her to ensure that person’s safety. If you are unable to do so, you may need to contact your local authorities to make sure your group member is safe.