Bishops, branch presidents, and stake presidents should call the Church’s ecclesiastical help line immediately each time they learn of abuse for assistance in helping victims and meeting reporting requirements. The help provided can guide the ward council’s efforts in supporting victims of abuse.
Because of the trauma of abuse, victims may be impacted physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. As a leader, you may have questions about how to help.
Increasing your knowledge and understanding of the impacts of abuse will help you support, minister, and effectively provide spiritual guidance and support.
Victims of abuse may think, feel, and behave differently than how they did before they were abused. In your desire to support victims, seek information to respond sensitively. (See “How can I support someone who has been abused?” for more information on how to provide support).
Be sensitive to the following as you work with these members:
Abuse damages trust, even with those who are most likely to be trusted, including family members, friends, Church leaders, and God. Even if victims come to you for support, it may not mean you have a relationship of trust. Victims may be seeking people they hope to trust.
It is common for victims of abuse to only share portions of their experience (see “What if I am struggling with trusting others?”). You may need to spend additional time in building a relationship of trust and responding to safety or other concerns.
What you can do:
Seek to respond with love.
Believe their experience.
Be open and transparent.
Check-in with the member frequently during your discussion(s) about what you can do to help them feel safe (for example, ask if they would like someone to accompany them, allow the survivor to choose when and where you meet and determine if they are comfortable with topics being discussed)
Explain your thoughts and actions clearly and encourage victims to ask questions if they don’t understand.
Be careful with your words. Saying things such as “let it go” or “it’s time to move on,” may make them feel like you do not care or that you think they are overreacting (see “Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors Commonly Experienced by Survivors of Sexual Abuse”).
Be consistent in your interactions.
Follow through on what you say you will do.
Abuse is often destructive to a victim’s faith. Most victims feel abandoned by God and wonder why He didn’t protect them or stop the abuse. They often incorrectly blame themselves for the abuse. Most victims question their worth. Some may focus on being overly religious to compensate for their feelings of personal unworthiness. Others may lose hope and struggle with their faith or may withdraw from spiritual activities.
How you can help:
Recognize victims’ personal beliefs about their worth and worthiness.
Sensitively teach gospel principles of worth and worthiness.
Emphasize the love of our Heavenly Father and the Savior for them.
Reassure victims that the abuse was not their fault (see “What if I think the abuse is my fault?” and “Am I still of worth?”).
Victims may mistakenly believe the abuse was a trial given to them by Heavenly Father so they could learn something. They may have been told that experiencing the abuse was necessary for their growth or that it was part of the plan for their life. This is false doctrine; the Lord is not the author or source of atrocities in the lives of His children (see James 1:13, 17; 2 Nephi 26:24; Omni 1:25; Alma 5:40; Moroni 7:12). This false idea may cause them to search for the positive in their situation and try to ignore their pain. It may also cause them to think that God wants them to suffer.
What you can do:
Avoid telling victims that God gave them this trial so they could learn something or that it was something they agreed to in the premortal life.
Help them understand that the abuse was a direct result of someone else choosing to use his or her agency poorly.
Teach victims that God loves them and that they will be “supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 36:3).
Victims often feel pressured to forgive the offender before they are ready. If they are told to forgive prematurely, they may believe that the offender’s need for forgiveness is greater than their need for healing. As victims heal, the ability to forgive will come.
What you can do:
Help victims focus on their own healing.
Help the survivor be patient with his or her own desire to forgive. Avoid setting a timeline for healing and forgiveness. Listen to victims to understand when they are ready for help in working to forgive. The steps of healing will make forgiveness possible (see “Can I heal from this?” and “Is it possible to forgive?”).
Help the survivor to trust in the Lord’s ultimate law of justice in the life of the offender.
Victims may make unhealthy choices as a way of coping with the trauma or pain from the abuse. For example, they may try to numb the pain and trauma by using alcohol or drugs. They may have a difficult time forgiving themselves for these choices.
What you can do:
Remind them they are loved.
Allow them to discuss the things they believe they need forgiveness for or need to repent of.
Without condoning his or her behaviors, compassionately discuss with the survivor his or her actions and the ways those actions were used to cope with the trauma of abuse.
Reassure them of the Savior’s mercy and love.
Reassure them of your unchanged positive feelings about them.
Help them on their path to self-forgiveness.
Encourage them to understand that their bishop can help them to know what does and what does not need to be repented of.
Many victims of abuse are sensitive to the space around them. They are often not comfortable with physical contact. When they are asked if it is okay to hug them, they often say yes, when they really want to say no.
What you can do:
Help victims by respecting their personal space.
Allow the victim to discuss the physical touch they are comfortable with (whether it is no touch, a handshake, or a hug). Let them initiate this conversation or they may feel unnecessary pressure to respond
Be aware that victims often put aside their own physical comfort to please others.
The trauma of abuse causes victims to be vulnerable to triggers, which are reminders of what happened. Triggers may happen anywhere at any time. The survivor may be triggered by something they see, smell, hear, and so on. When victims are “triggered” they often feel symptoms similar to what they experienced at the time they were abused. This can include being overly aware of their surroundings, increased anxiety, increased heart rate, sweating, shaking, panic, or the need to get away from others.
What you can do:
When victims share these feelings with you:
Provide validation that these responses are real and common.
Allow the victim to discuss their needs in these situations.
Validate the victim’s needs.
If a victim is triggered when with you
Reassure the victim that he or she is safe.
Allow the survivor to leave if he or she feels the need to leave.
Allow the survivor greater space; they may need you to leave them and allow them to cope with their trigger.
Victims often have a difficult time feeling safe physically and emotionally. Creating a safe environment for victims can help them build trust and find healing.
When meeting with victims, consider the following:
Ask if they would like someone else (of their choice) to be present.
Ask if they would like the door to be open.
Invite them to sit wherever is most comfortable for them.
If the victim is in the same congregation as the offender, remember that the safety of the victim is most important. Consider what you can do to help the victim feel safe participating in Church services or activities.
Victims may need many sources of support as they work through the healing process. Bishops and other Church leaders may consult with Family Services, where available, about how to best support victims and find available resources.
When helping victims get support, consider the following:
Offer to assist victims in getting professional help.
Avoid putting a timeline on how long counseling should take. Be aware that the amount of time in counseling varies, depending on the individual’s circumstances.
(Bishops Only)
If given authorization, consult regularly with the victim’s therapist.
Consider covering the cost of professional counseling, regardless of the victim’s ability to pay (this can be covered through fast offering resources).
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
“Agency, Accountability, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ: Application to Sexual Assault,” Benjamin M. Ogles (Brigham Young University devotional, Jan. 30, 2018)
“Jesus: The Perfect Leader,” Spencer W. Kimball
Responding to Abuse: Instruction Outline for Stake and Ward Council Meetings
Adverse Childhood Experiences, childwelfare.gov
Abuse can cause deep emotional pain, distorted thinking, and unhealthy behaviors. As they seek healing, victims will need the power of Jesus Christ and they also may need professional help. Your Christlike support can help them heal.
As you encourage victims to turn toward the Savior as well as seek professional help, here are five ways you can support them:
Be informed. Learn what abuse is and how it affects victims.
Understand how someone who has experienced abuse might feel. Often, victims of abuse are left with unhealthy thoughts as well as feelings of unworthiness and shame.
Consider your words. The pain and suffering victims experience is often intensified by others’ comments rooted in a misunderstanding of abuse and its effects. Blaming the victim or making statements like “get over it” or “just forgive and forget” can lead the victim to increased secrecy and shame rather than healing and peace.
Listen and love. When victims trust you enough to share their experiences with you, listen to them with love and empathy. Resist the urge to lecture or judge.
Acknowledge and validate feelings. Like with a physical injury, if abuse is ignored, victims often do not heal properly. As you acknowledge and validate the victim’s feelings—such as being sad, hurt, or scared—you will help them on the path to healing.
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
“Hope and Healing: Supporting Victims of Sexual Abuse,” Nanon Talley, Liahona, 2017
“A Bridge to Hope and Healing,” Nanon Talley, Liahona, Apr. 2017
“Abuse: Help for the Victim” (available to ward and stake council members), providentliving.lds.org
“Supporting Survivors,” NoMore.org
Victims need someone to believe them and to provide kind, caring support. If you know or suspect someone is being abused, take steps to protect them, and offer to get them help. This may include involvement of civil authorities, medical help, professional counselors, Church leaders, and community resources that support victims of abuse. You can also help victims understand that they can find healing through the Savior Jesus Christ.
This document summarizes current Church policies and guidelines on abuse. All priesthood and Church organization leaders should be familiar with and follow them to help protect God’s children.
Abuse is the mistreatment or neglect of others (such as a child or spouse, the elderly, or the disabled) in a way that causes physical, emotional, or sexual harm.
Abuse causes confusion, doubt, mistrust, and fear in the victims and sometimes inflicts physical injury. Most, but not all, allegations of abuse are true and should be taken seriously and handled with great care. Abuse tends to become more severe over time.
The Lord condemns abusive behavior in any form—including neglect and physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. Most abuse violates the civil laws of society. (See First Presidency letter, “Responding to Abuse,” July 28, 2008.)
Stake presidencies and bishoprics should ensure that what they say about abuse is based on Church doctrine. In particular, they should teach the following:
The doctrine of the Church commits all leaders and members to protect each individual (see Matthew 18:6; Ephesians 5:25, 28–29; “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).
Abuse in any form is sinful, tragic, and in total opposition to the teachings of the Savior (see Doctrine and Covenants 121:37).
The Savior extends succor, healing, and strength to victims of abuse because of His infinite and eternal Atonement (see Alma 7:11–12; 34:10).
Those who commit abuse in any way are accountable to God (see Doctrine and Covenants 101:78). Heavenly Father and His Son offer forgiveness to those who have committed abuse when they change their behavior and fully repent (see Mosiah 14:4–12; Doctrine and Covenants 58:42–43).
The principles in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” are vital for all members to understand and will help everyone avoid the evils of abuse (see Gordon B. Hinckley, “Save the Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 52–54).
Church leaders should do the following to help prevent abuse in the home:
Encourage couples and families to live the gospel in the home. They should establish patterns of kindness, respect, and open communication so that all family members are comfortable discussing sensitive matters (see “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).
Encourage parents to teach children information and skills appropriate to their age and maturity so they will know what to do if faced with abuse.
Make members aware of Church resources.
Church leaders should follow these guidelines to help prevent abuse at Church:
A person must not be given a Church calling or assignment that involves working with children or youth if his or her membership record is not in the ward or if it has an annotation for abuse (see General Handbook, 38.6.2, 12.5.1).
When adults are teaching children or youth in Church settings, at least two responsible adults should be present. The two adults could be two men, two women, or a married couple (see General Handbook, 12.5.1).
Where it may not be practical to have at least two adults in a classroom, leaders should consider combining classes.
At least two adults must be present on all Church-sponsored activities attended by youth or children.
When a brother participates in a ministering visit to an individual woman, he should go with his companion or with his wife.
When a member of a stake presidency or bishopric or another assigned leader meets with a child, youth, or woman, he or she should ask a parent or another adult to be in an adjoining room, foyer, or hall. If the person being interviewed desires, another adult may be invited to participate in the interview. Leaders should avoid all circumstances that could be misunderstood (see General Handbook, 12.5.1).
On Church-sponsored overnight activities, a child or youth may not stay in the tent or room of an adult leader unless the adult is his or her parent or guardian or there are at least two adults in the tent or room who are the same gender as the child or youth (see General Handbook, 12.2.1.3).
If adult leaders and children or youth share other overnight facilities, such as a cabin, there must be at least two adults in the facility and they must be the same gender as the children or youth (see General Handbook, 12.2.1.3).
(See General Handbook, 38.6.2.1.)
Church leaders and members should follow these guidelines when responding to abuse:
When abuse occurs, the first and immediate responsibility of Church leaders is to help those who have been abused and to protect vulnerable persons from future abuse. Members should never be encouraged to remain in a home or situation that is abusive or unsafe.
Church leaders and members should be caring, compassionate, and sensitive when working with victims and perpetrators and their families.
Church leaders should never disregard a report of abuse or counsel a member not to report criminal activity to law enforcement personnel.
Church leaders and members should fulfill all legal obligations to report abuse to civil authorities.
Priesthood leaders should help those who have committed abuse to repent and cease their abusive behavior (see Isaiah 1:18; Doctrine and Covenants 64:7).
Professional counseling may be helpful for the victims and perpetrators and their families. It is almost always advised in cases of serious abuse.
Stake presidencies and bishoprics should present this information in stake and ward council meetings. Members of stake and ward councils should then discuss this material in their respective presidency and leadership meetings and with others, as needed:
Members of stake and ward councils should teach the key messages in this outline and invite discussion from adult priesthood and Church organization leaders. As part of the discussion, they might begin by watching the video “Protect the Child: Responding to Child Abuse,” found under “How to Help” on the Abuse page of Gospel Library. Because this information is sensitive, they should seek the guidance of the Spirit as they teach.
Often a report of abuse will come to a trusted teacher or adviser. Members of stake and ward councils should help leaders, teachers, and members take proper steps in preventing and responding to abuse, including reporting the abuse to appropriate civil authorities.
The following guidelines will help Church leaders handle policy and legal issues relating to abuse:
Immediately call the help line at 1-800-453-3860, ext. 2-1911, when addressing situations involving any type of abuse.
For guidelines on handling situations involving abuse, stake presidents and bishops should refer to General Handbook, 38.6.2.1.
For guidelines on handling confession, restitution, investigation, communication with aggrieved victims, and confidentiality in situations involving abuse, stake presidents and bishops should refer to General Handbook, 38.6.2.2.
For guidelines on handling Church discipline in situations involving abuse, stake presidents and bishops should refer to General Handbook, 38.6.2.
Church leaders should not testify in civil or criminal cases involving abuse without first conferring with the Office of General Counsel at Church headquarters (1-800-453-3860, ext. 2-6301). For specific guidelines, see General Handbook, 38.6.2.1.
“Abuse (Offender’s Needs),” ChurchofJesusChrist.org
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Personal Worthiness to Exercise the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2002, 52–59
Gordon B. Hinckley, “What Are People Asking about Us?,” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 70–72
Dallin H. Oaks, “Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 24–27
Richard G. Scott, “To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2008, 40–43
“Abuse: Help, Healing, and Protection,” Life Help, ChurchofJesusChrist.org
Family Services courses Strengthening Marriage and Strengthening the Family
© 2022 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved. Version: 11/22. Translation of Preventing and Responding to Abuse: Instruction Outline for Stake and Ward Council Meetings PD60004798 000. Printed in the United States of America
This video discusses the responsibilities of ward and branch councils in regards to preventing child abuse.
Abuse is the neglect or mistreatment of others (such as a child or spouse, the elderly, the disabled, or anyone else) in such a way that causes physical, emotional, or sexual harm. The first responsibility of the Church in abuse cases is to help those who have been abused and to protect those who may be vulnerable to future abuse. Church leaders and members should be caring, compassionate, and sensitive when working with victims and their families.
In a letter dated March 26, 2018, the First Presidency of the Church encouraged Church leaders to reach out in love to assist those suffering from abuse:
“This global issue continues to be of great concern to us today. Our hearts and prayers go out to all those who are affected by this serious problem.
“To help ensure the safety and protection of children, youth, and adults, we ask that all priesthood and auxiliary leaders become familiar with existing Church policies and guidelines on preventing and responding to abuse” (First Presidency letter, Mar. 26, 2018).
Church leaders and members should fulfill all legal obligations to report abuse to civil authorities. No Church leader should ever dismiss a report of abuse or counsel a member not to report criminal activity. Bishops, branch presidents, and stake presidents should call the Church’s ecclesiastical help line immediately each time they learn of abuse for assistance in helping victims and meeting reporting requirements. Go to counselingresources.lds.org for the help line number and more information.
Church leaders and members should also help victims, offenders, and their families connect with professional counseling or other community resources, where available. When working with offenders, priesthood leaders should help them repent, accept the full consequences of their actions, and cease their abusive behavior (see Isaiah 1:18; Mosiah 26:29–32; Doctrine and Covenants 64:7).
For Church leaders, please review the following video in a ward or stake council:
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
For more information about how to help those affected by abuse, please consult the following materials:
Abuse: Help for the Victim (available to ward and stake council members)
Abuse: Help for the Offender (available to ward and stake council members)
Abuse help line, churchofjesuschrist.org
Responding to Abuse: Instruction Outline for Stake and Ward Council Meetings
What Happens When You Report Someone to Social Services, WeHaveKids.com
Frequently Asked Questions, aacap.org
National Child Abuse Coalition: Prevent and Address Child Abuse
Note: You are neither expected nor encouraged to diagnose whether someone is struggling with issues related to abuse. This information can help you recognize when professional intervention may be needed.
Signs of abuse are not always easy to recognize. Someone who has experienced, or is experiencing, abuse could show a number of signs that indicate something is wrong, but abuse may be happening even if there are no outward signs. Also, signs that might indicate abuse could be caused by other difficulties. Talking to the victim can be a good first step to understanding what is happening. However, victims often have a difficult time sharing that they have been or are being abused. If there is any indication of abuse, read “What should I do if I know or suspect someone is being abused?”
As children of God and brothers and sisters, we have a responsibility to be aware of the needs and concerns of others and to reach out to them in love. Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson, former Young Women General President, taught, “[We] take care of each other, watch out for each other, comfort each other, and are there for each other through thick and thin” (“Sisterhood: Oh, How We Need Each Other,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 119).
Victims of abuse often show more than one warning sign. Signs of abuse may vary based on the type of abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal) and the age of the person being abused.
Victims of abuse may display the following warning signs:
Acting differently than they normally do
Exhibiting increased aggressive behavior
Being jumpier or more on guard
Having difficulty with sleep or having nightmares
Withdrawing and not wanting to be around other people
Losing interest in activities they once liked
Having unexplained physical injuries
Being more moody (angry, depressed, sad) than normal
Being preoccupied with sex
Engaging in harmful behaviors (this could include self-harm, drug use, and risky or unhealthy sexual behavior).
These signs alone do not mean that the person is being abused. To learn more about how to talk to a person you suspect may be experiencing abuse, read the article “What should I do if I know or suspect someone is being abused?”
Learning the emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that may result after sexual trauma can help you recognize signs of abuse. It can also help you understand and empathize with victims and encourage them to seek help. While the root of these emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is the abuse, the effects can be seen in many areas of a victim’s life.
Struggles with self-doubt and confidence.
Feels shame.
Is confused about identity.
Feels angry at self and others.
Struggles with excessive guilt.
Is fearful and struggles with trusting others.
Hurts all the time; feels exhausted.
Feels like everyone is looking at them and can see right through them.
Experiences depression or anxiety.
Is indecisive.
Why is this happening to me?
Why don’t people love me?
Why can’t I be good?
What has happened to me?
Why don’t they leave me alone?
Why can’t I be like others?
Why does it always happen to me?
Why doesn’t God or someone else stop it?
I must have caused it somehow.
It must be my fault.
I must be a very bad person.
There must be something terribly wrong with me.
God doesn’t love me.
My parents can’t love me.
My situation will never change.
Doesn’t trust own judgment.
Believes the world would be better off without them.
Can’t keep up with everyone else.
Has an “I don’t care” attitude.
Withdraws or lashes out at others.
Becomes extremely religious.
Struggles with authority, including Church leaders.
Develops medical problems.
Attempts suicide or engages in self-harm.
Engages in unhealthy sexual behaviors; may experience sexual problems in marriage.
Has unhealthy relationships and allows others to take advantage of them.
Often takes the blame; accepts guilt and responsibility.
Tries to be perfect.
Feels intense compassion for others.
Over-focused on others’ needs (including family) above their own.
Cries easily.
Wants and craves attention from adults, maybe even the offender.
Avoids or is uninterested or overly interested in age-appropriate discussion about sex.
Has many unexplained fears.
Neglects schoolwork, or escapes through excessive schoolwork, sports, or other activities.
Lies easily.
Rebels against parents and teachers.
Runs away from home.
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
“Child Abuse,” Mayo Clinic
“Domestic Violence and Abuse,” Helpguide.org
“What Is Domestic Violence?” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
“What Is Domestic Violence?” National Domestic Violence Hotline
“A Conversation on Spouse Abuse,” Ensign, October 1999
“Warning Signs,” The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
“What Is Child Abuse and Neglect? Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms,” Child Welfare Information Gateway
“Elder Abuse,” National Institute on Aging
“What Is Abuse?” kidshealth.org
“Signs, symptoms, and effects of child abuse and neglect,” National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)
You may go through a wide range of emotions in discovering that your child has been abused, including shock, disbelief, anger, and sadness. It is normal to feel conflicted about whose needs to focus on, especially if your child has been abused by another family member. Knowing how to address everyone’s needs can feel overwhelming. Your first priority should be taking care of the abused child’s needs. Your second priority should be securing help for yourself and your family. If the offender is one of your other children, he or she will need help as well.
Remember to counsel in prayer with Heavenly Father and seek the help of the Savior, through His Atonement. The Lord invites us all to come unto Him regardless of our circumstances:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).
Abused children may appear to be fine—and many may even say they are fine. They may act as if the abuse has not impacted them. Children may wish not to share that they have experienced abuse for various reasons. These may include shame, avoidance of pain or trauma, fear that they may get into trouble, fear of the offender, fear of getting other people in trouble, a lack of understanding of what happened or is happening, and the inability to verbalize the experience. It is important to consider that if the offender is someone they know and care about, children might want to protect the offender from consequences. No matter what your child wishes, it is important to do the following as soon as you discover the abuse:
Take steps to protect the child from further abuse.
Report the abuse to civil authorities. Be prepared to share information about the offender, your child, and any known information about the abuse. It is common to not have answers to all the questions you may be asked during the report. Cooperate with civil authorities and tell them as much as you know. This will help keep the child safe.
If a child is being abused by another family member (such as a sibling or parent), removing the offender from the home may be the best option.
Your abused child will need support, understanding, and reassurance that they will be protected. Talk with your child about what will help them feel safe and, as much as possible, provide them with those things. Church leaders, civil authorities, and professional counselors can help you develop appropriate safety measures.
Reassure the child that the abuse is not their fault; being abused is not a sin, and they have no need to repent. Help them to know that they have help and support. If possible, have your child evaluated by a professional counselor who has experience working with abused children. The counselor can assess the impact the abuse has had on your child and provide advice for how to help them heal.
Remember, you are not responsible if your child was abused by someone else; the only person responsible is the offender. Parents and other family members of children who have been abused may benefit from professional counseling. You can also receive spiritual and emotional support from Church leaders. Make sure you take time to recharge spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically, and intellectually.
Be kind to yourself and to your family members. Discovering that your child has been abused can place strain on family relationships. Continue relationship-building activities with your family members. It is typical for parents to feel that things will never get back to normal. It will take time, but never give up hope. The Savior Jesus Christ, through His Atonement, can help you heal.
If another one of your family members is the offender, you may need to consider removing him or her from the home. While this may feel like the family is being torn apart, the separation is an important step that can lead to the eventual healing of everyone involved. In some situations, family reunification may eventually be possible through help from civil authorities and professional counselors. In other situations, family reunification may not be advised.
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
“Why a Child May Sexually Harm Another Child,” Stop It Now!
“Help for Parents of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused by Family Members,” Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
“What to Do If Your Child Discloses Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers,” National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
“Coping with the Shock of Intrafamilial Sexual Abuse: Information for Parents and Caregivers,” National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
If you know or suspect someone is being abused, report the abuse to civil authorities. Then help the person get in touch with other resources for protection and healing, including medical help, Church leaders, and professional counselors.
Be caring, compassionate, and sensitive when speaking with victims of abuse. They may not be ready to talk about the abuse right away. The following guidelines are most helpful when speaking with a youth or adult who has the capacity to describe their experience. Younger children, or those with decreased physical or mental abilities, may need additional support when talking about their experiences.
Take time to listen.
It may take some time for a victim of abuse to start telling their story. It is important to be patient and listen. Reassure the person of your love and confidence. If possible, go to a safe and comfortable place where you can talk. Remain calm and take time to listen.
Do not panic or overreact to what the person tells you. This could stop the person from talking with you.
Take the disclosure seriously.
It is rare for a report of abuse to be false. As you listen, do not dismiss or attempt to minimize what the person has told you. Because the person may be afraid to tell you what has happened, be understanding and supportive of them as they talk. Show empathy. Reassure them that it took courage to tell you about the abuse and that you believe what they have told you.
With child abuse, the offender might have threatend the child by saying that physical harm or other bad things would happen to them if they ever told anyone about the abuse. Reassure them of your love and desire to keep them safe and protected.
Do not blame the person or suggest that the abuse was somehow their fault.
Remember the story of Joseph who was sold into Egypt. He had a dream that he would be his brothers’ leader. When he told his brothers about the dream, they hated him for it and later cast him into a pit and sold him as a slave (see Genesis 37). Even though Joseph told the brothers about the dream, it was not his fault that they treated him like they did. Joseph did nothing wrong and was not to blame.
A victim of abuse may feel guilty and responsible and assume that they are to blame. They may think they should have been smarter or stronger to stop or prevent the abuse. When children are abused, they are often enticed or tricked. Reassure victims that the abuse is not their fault and they have done nothing wrong.
Seek Help.
Seek help immediately from civil authorities, child protective services, adult protective services, a victim advocate, or medical professionals. These services can help protect the victim and prevent further abuse. See the “In Crisis” page for more information.
Church leaders and members should fulfill all legal obligations to report abuse to civil authorities. Bishops and stake presidents should go to counselingresources.org for more information.
Help the victim connect with resources.
The victim may need help from outside resources and other professional help, including civil authorities, medical services, legal services, professional counselors, and Church leaders. You may offer to go with them to visit these resources and to create a plan to help them stay safe.
The bishop can also provide resources and support to deal with the abuse and begin the healing process.
If the victim is a minor, encourage them to talk to their parents or guardian about the abuse, if they have not already. If a parent is the offender, encourage them to talk to the non-offending parent or another trusted adult who can help.
(Some of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While these materials are intended to serve as additional resources, the Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and teachings.)
“Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault,” Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
“If You Suspect a Child Is Being Harmed,” Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
“When Someone You Know Is Being Abused: Safety and Well-Being Tipsheet Series,” National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health
“How to Help a Friend Who Is Being Abused,” womenshealth.gov
“Is Someone You Know Being Abused?” IRIS Domestic Violence Center
“Domestic Violence and Abuse: Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship and getting help,” HelpGuide.org